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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

I have used opiates since 1983.In 1984 i went into a methadone clinic for heroin/pain med addiction.6 months into it at 60 mg. a day i wanted out.There were more drugs at the clinic than i was getting on the streets and at the drs. office.Placidyls,714,tuinal,heroin,percs,ect.They put me on a ten day detox.I swore i would never ever again live through the horror.They cold turkeyed me. No clonidine or deseryl or anything. I thought i would die and i had to work,function it was awful.Swore up and down never again. Then in 1990 i hurt my back.Started with couple vicodin a day,few lortab here and there...still dabbled with valium,xanax,drank beers....was the best chef in the county where i live..for the next ten years my addiction grew worse to where i was doing 40 lortab 10s a day 180 mgs of oxycotin...had my suppliers all worked out...totally insane is the only way to describe it....lost everything and became homeless.....guilt and shame....but still took pain medication that i had ruined my life i found a way out of the addiction with buprenex....but mine was injectable..inter-muscular...2 1 ml. vials a day...that went on for the last 4 years...if your getting off you have to wean down and im a weak individual...didnt like withdrawal symptoms too much as you know...ive been on a roller coaster...I have now found a doc who told me about subutex and its partner.He was an addict also and now has found his goal as a addictionolgist.He knows his proffession like i know cooking.I am back on the methadone but am going to do this right finally!!!!small 20 mg. of meth and then taper to clonodine.He told me they screwed me up in 1984 by not closing my addiction correctly and yes i will still suffer somewhat.You will suffer with buprenorphine, or methadone or by tapering with your pain meds.There is no way of getting off opiates pain free.Trust me.You have to pay your dues.You got yourself addicted and now you have to get yourself unaddicted.I just pray that finally after half of my life i will do it.I tell my 8 and 11 year old girls who i miss terribly becaused im divorced because of drugs, to say no to drugs....they should ban pain med except for extreme cases.My new dr. for god sake became addicted.But if he got clean and is sober for 10 years i can too.He can prescribe the buprenex but i trust him with his game plan for me but there is no way it is going to be painless.God bless

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