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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

I am so happy that I helped you a little. As for my story, I was addicted to vicodin, percocet and oxy's for about 2 years. It all started with a trip to the dentist and a prescription for 30 vicodin ES. Up to that point I had NEVER even heard of vicodin but let me tell you...when I took my first pill I thought I had gone to heaven. I was SO full of life and energy. Everything and everyone looked wonderful to me. I was no longer shy in a room full of strangers and could carry on a lengthly conversation with anyone. Nothing bothered me when I was on those dang things. But as happens with many of us....One pill wasn't doing what it use to, so I started taking 2 and 3 at a time. When vicodin didn't do the trick for me anymore I discovered percocet. I was also up to taking 25 to 30 5mg. of them a day. Then when things couldn't get any better, I discovered how to crush oxycontin...20mg at first...then 40mg...and then the big 80!! I am floored when I think about it and can't imagine how I am still walking around. I also sit here and think about all the inventive ways I would get money to buy them without my husband noticing that money was missing. I finally had enough one day and flushed the remainder of my pills away. Let me tell you that watching 3 80mg of oxycontin and 60 5mg. of percocet go down the drain was pretty darn hard to say the least. But it was also soooooo calming to me. I knew I was done for good this time. I had tried many times in the past to stop but would only get to my 4th day at the most and go right back to it. I can't begin to tell you what a relief it is to wake up in the morning and not worry about how or where I am going to get pills to last me through the day. I couldn't get anymore from my doctors or dentists because they were on to me a long time ago. There's only so many times you can call them and tell them you lost them....the dog ate them....they fell down the sink...etc. I knew I was over the hurdle the first day I woke up and my very first thought wasn't on pills. Ohhhhhh what a great feeling to wake up and only need a cup of coffee to get me going for the day. It's so wonderful to wake up and make breakfast for my 10 year old daughter without having to snort an oxy first. And you know what.....honestly, I look better too. My husband has told me numerous times these couple weeks how beautiful I look. I guess not having blood shot eyes makes a difference.. :) How I ever hid it from him all these years I will never know. I am just thankful though that he's never found out. Although, a part of me wants to share it with him so bad. I just can't bring myself to that point though. I guess because I know how bad it would hurt him plus I don't want to shatter this image he has of me.

I know you are going through a tough time right now but please believe me that it will and does get better. I never thought I would make it this long but I have. This board has been a Godsend to me. I don't know if I could have done it without the support of the people on here. I will never let myself fall victim to opiates again. The thought of them makes me sick to my stomach and I pray that I always feel that way. I was one of those people that couldn't understand how anyone could ever get addicted to drugs. I shook my head in disgust at people who were so weak that they turned their life over to pills. I guess I learned the hard way that this thing called addiction can happen to anyone.

I hope you begin to emotionally feel better soon. Have you tried a nice evening walk? I forced myself to walk every myself so I could clear my head and just think. It helped me so much to have that quiet time alone and gave me the oppurtunity to really examine the things I've done these couple of years. It was truly theraputic for me. Plus, believe it or not, it helped my legs feel better. I found that it helped me sleep better at night too. Well I hope I have helped a little. Please remember that I am here pulling and praying for you. I know you can do it!!! :)

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