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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Hi chef,
I am definitely experiencing cravings....and honestly haven't used because i don't have good access to it and the "fear of the law" is keeping me sober at this point. I can't deny, however, that even right now, if i found some, or if it started falling from the sky...I would be right back into it. Since I don't have a chronic pain issue, and no idea how to buy it from a dealer, I got my drugs by forgining prescriptions or calling in fake prescriptions under aliases. I got caught by the police twice (considering the thousands of times I did it that was pretty miraculous!) and actually did go to jail. I am currently on probation, and if I get caught using, I will certainly face more jail time. Now, that hasn't stopped me from using the past, again, if I found it at a friends house, but the fear has stopped me from doing any more illegal prescriptions. Not that it hasn't crossed my mind...

So my reasoning for really wanting to pursue suboxone as a maintenance is that I know I can't stay away from it, and I also know myself well enough that that "fear" will dissapate and I'll get desperate enough. Also, I just don't feel happy or well. When I was on the suboxone for around 2 weeks recently for detox purposes however, I didn't crave, I didn't feel any great desire to use, and I also liked the knowledge that I had naloxone in my system, so if I happened across any pills, I wouldn't be as tempted to take them.

I do agree that NA works if you work it...and maybe I haven't worked it well enough, or maybe I'm one of those "constitutionally incapable" people :) but the simple fact is for me that after several years of this battle, I welcome anything legal and doctor-monitored that will help me in my recovery. I am 27 years old and have already done alot of damage to my life with using opiates. I want to stop, with my heart and mind...but my body and "selfish brain" just crave, crave, crave.

As an aside, opiates are the only thing I've ever done, or been tempted to. I've been in situations where I could have done ectasy, or cocaine, or acid, and never wanted to and have no trouble staying away from anything mood-altering. I don't even drink...none of that holds any appeal for me. But those damn opiates just control me. Powerless to say the least!!!!

Again, my interest in suboxone is certainly just a personal decision, and I wish I could be one of those people who didn't feel a need for it. I know many people who I was in my first inpatient rehab with that are still clean and sober over two years later, and happy and free! But for whatever reason, that hasn't been my experience.

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