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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Hi, I have been reading for awhile and I identify with so many of you.

I started with vicodin 7 years ago because of a back injury. It was severe, and I could not function without the pain medications.

Then there came emotional pain. I was also taking oxycontin plus vicodins (20+). by that time I was calling them in for myself, and altyho I got caught, no charges was pressed; but I had come clean with my Dr. at this time, and I went inpatient detox for 5 days, and quit everything for 3 years.

I recently relapsed on vicodin, for about 2-3 months, then detoxed again for a month. I found a void I faced that I couldn't tolerate, so I relapsed again (it's just too easy to get them through these online pharmacies, I hate them).

Don't get me wrong, I don't blame the online pharmaices for my relapse, but I do believe if I had not received an ad in my e-mail box one day, i wouldn' have gone there...after sooo long.

I go to the programs meetings. I just ordered some more and take about 6/day right now. But before I was taking 15 per day or so. I'm trying to control it, but I know how little control we have over this stuff.

I can't seem to throw them away. I have in the past, but in a way I don't feel ready. I don't feel right w/o them at the same time I hate them.

I feel like a failure.


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