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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Addiction & Recovery Board Index


I am an addict
Sep 17, 2003
for other addicts,

i am an addict too and this is for 4mygirls3, allycat, LVgal, eeyore, Imissme, jack and all the other beautiful people who suffer from addiction.

to me the most important thing an addict can do is not lie to THEMSELVES! it is time to make the decision to help yourselves. you do not know how much pain reading your posts makes me feel. i can see it in the post how much pain your in and i understand it because i have done all the things you discuss. i used to dread worrying about having to get additional pills and wonder if this time i couldnt get them and id face withdrawal, how much it cost me, dealing with people who treated me like dirt because they knew i needed them, the lying and manipulation i did to my parents with all my schemes to get money, working "full-time" for my dad and having to hide my needle marks once i started shooting heroin, wondering what other material had been put into the heroin, hepatitis C and HIV transmission because people i dealt with had these diseases and the constant, NEVER ENDING STRESS ON MY MIND BECAUSE I WAS AN ADDICT AND COULD NEVER STOP FOR EVEN A SECOND OR FACE WITHDRAWAL! i was in so much pain i didnt even realize it because i had to work so hard to keep the whole thing going i didnt even have time to live, or even recognize i was destroying myself.

i want you to know it IS possible to help yourselves! you dont have to be under the control of these narcotics anymore. there are several ways to start healing. i will talk about some here and tell you my experience as well. making the decision to come clean with your doctor and enlist his help is important, doctors are there to help people. Suboxone, Buprenorphin, Subutex are presc. drugs used to help addicts begin the process of getting clean. Scan thru the posts here and you will quickly find several on these drugs and good info on the what, how, and why. cold turkey is always there but is extremely tough and is unpleasant putting it mildly. however, going semi-cold turkey and using what your doctor can do to help is a good method of getting clean. A catapres patch and some other techniques will dramatically reduce w/d symptoms. the end goal is being clean, NO MORE OPIATES!.

lastly i will discuss my personal situation. i am a recovering heroin addict. i was an addict for 3 years and have rarely seen others approach my level of addiction. there are a couple here though who have dealt with a hardcore addiction of their own. i began heroin because i had so thoroughly abused opiates taking pills orally that no amount would get me high.
46 percs at one sitting is what i did the last time i took anything by mouth. right now to estimate how much i would need to get the kind of nod i enjoyed i would have to take about 600-700mg of oxycodone. the amount is simply too ridiculous to imagine. i had no concern for my well being, whatsoever. when i quit heroin and shooting oxycontin/ roxycodone i would begin with a 320mg shot and go from there. wherever my money would allow for that day or time. i am thankful today that i did not kill myself because i believe i was close on several occasions. thruout the entire period i was only scared one time. i woke up sometime after a particularly powerful shot and saw that i had not even been able to remove the syringe from my arm. it was still in my elbow and had been the entire time i nodded off.

today i am on methadone maintenance. EVERYDAY i have to go to my clinic and drink my methadone. eventually i will be slowly taken down on the meth. and finished off with buprenorphin. this process of clinic every single day does not bother me. to me it is almost like rebuilding myself a piece at a time.

william





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