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I have just spent the last 1/2 hour reading this thread . I am soooooo sorry that I have been so busy that I have been away from here. My hubby was on vaca and it has been crazy. Any way. I read all your posts. I truely feel for you. I understood everything you posted regarding having to be the best at everything. I am 37 years old and used to be the same way. I have 3 kids 13,10,9. Michelle, I almost went into detox.
Where I am, It would not of been that bad. But, the counseling class I went to was the extension to the hospital that the "dtox" group would go to after being released. The good thing that I saw was that the people seem to bond w/one another and hellp eachother thru. Detox here was 1-4 weeks. Michelle this is all such a viscious circle. I know you chose subox. I am on that too. I do not know if this will help you, but here is how I think about things to get me thru. I am leary about staying on this too. It has been 4 months. I want to be drug free also. This Xmas was the first one in 4 years that I did it on just subox. My kids just told me, it was the best yet!! I look at this as a "life saving drug" for me. If I stop, I could relapse anda go to jail. Jail or subox....those are my choices. You are okay w/ xanax b/c of anxiety. That is okay. If you could do everything w/the subox and not crave, wouldnt that be okay?? Maybe if you found the right dose, the subox would be okay for you. They are now using subox for depression I have read. I think it has helped me for depression also. I also think...people need meds for blood pressure, cancer, diabetics....we do not think anything of that. That is my way of thinking. This drug kept me w/my family and also helped me to get some things back in my life. Confidence, energy, a will to get back into life. Michelle, and everyone else, this is a fight for our life. We must do what ever we can to win. Subox is legal!! Michelle, I do not know where you get the vikes....I sounds like maybe on-line. I know, I have been there. It is also becoming dangerous to do so. We never know what will happebn next. No matter where you are getting them, I am sure it is hard to keep on a the supply. I know, in your posts, you are past this and have made a choice for the subox, :), I am just remarking b/c I have been gone for awhile. Thank goodness you have a family that is there to help you. Chin up, chest out. How ever you succeed, I am behind you and I am listening to you and really understand you. I wish you the best!!!! Shell

Michelle, I just read the post unde "got to say something" where you stated that you had to take the xanax due to anxiety and it was a life savor. That is how I think of suboxone. YOu are okay w/taking the xanax, as you should be, it has helped you. If the subox helps you to "stay Clean" so be it. IF you find the right dose, and the cravings go away and the energy stays and blah blah blah, then, good for you! Please, do not be so hard on your self. Give yourself a BIG pat on the back! My hubbie was just reading some of this. He just said "wow, this is like reading our lives" Sometimes I think it is good to have our significant other read this. He said it really helps him to understand even more. Shell

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