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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Addiction & Recovery Board Index


Hey Michelle,
I first want to say that that poem was so deep. Gets you deep down...in a happy way. Also, I hope your day is going good. Good job on no sub. I know you can do this. Just think how close you are to being free and clear!! That is so exciting!! Enjoy your alone time tonight.

Ok here goes....I grew up with a bi-polar mom, and my father worked so much I never saw him. I took my first hit of pot at age 10 and my first hit of acid and line of coke at age 12. I moved out for the first time at age 13....heavily on coke. Then my mom thought she would "care" for a few months and wrestled me into a drug re-hab. I was out in a year, and moved out again at age 15...permanently. I figured that if I could work and pay bills, I could also party and act like an adult. So I was very heavily addicted to cocaine and popping pills and doing any kind of drug I could get my hands on to. Somehow i remained responsible enough to keep a job and function in society. I loved the coke and acid and extacy. Well I wasnt responsible enough I guess, because i ended up pregnant at 17. That was the best thing that could have happened to me, because I was going to DIE if something didnt happen.
After I had my daughter, I felt that I had conquered my addictions, and I thought I was free from all of it. I remained clean from all of the hard stuf for a good 6 years....why would I ever go back??
The pills- my husband and I were in an accident and we lost everything. We were both on pain meds and enabling each other. He got off of them, but I got worse. I started on Loratab and went to Oxy-contins- I found out I was pregnant during that time and I stopped them cold-turkey. I ended up losing the baby due to that....then things really got bad. I started back on the oxy's again. I started snorting them. I then started taking methadone after the oxy...why? I dont know. I took those for awhile and worked great for me emotionally...if you have ever taken Methadone, it leaves you not feeling ANY emotions. I didnt want to feel....I lost a child. So that when on for awhile and then I decided I wanted to go back to Loratab......15-20 a day habbit....depends on how many naps i took during the day. When I got on to the NORCO, that was great because i didnt have to worry about my liver, so that was my hint to take as many as I wanted -20 a day. CRAZY!!! All of the pill thing lasted for about 3-4 years, and 3 months ago I decided to stop the maddness!!!! I tell you what , detoxing from this crap was the hardest thing I have done......they were my best friend. It was like a family member died. I am not exagerating....but I made it through, and here I am today...alive and healthy and thankful to God every day that he guided me through this life and kept me safe.
I have been clean from hard stuff for 9 years and clean from the pills for 10 weeks. I try every day and pray every day that I can keep it this way. I know for me that I do NOT ever want another pain pill again, and as for the hard stuff.....NOTHING could make me go back to that lifestyle.
My life has WAY more horrid things go on...homeless with my kids at one point in time....no food no money....but that is aWHOLE other story.

Thank you for asking and thank you for listening.
Please take care-
Amanda





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