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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Sam - I absolutely do not think you are a bad mother. Remember... I've only been on Suboxone about 6 weeks and prior to that, I was taking 20 lortab 10s per day so I know exactly what you are talking about. I promise, I do not think you are a bad mother. I'm just saying from experience that when I was using, even though I was still caring for my kids doing everything I was supposed to do, I still wasn't my normal self and once I began to see with a clear mind, I realized that I actually wasn't caring for them as well as I normally would have. They weren't neglected or anything like that while I was using. I just know there were little things I would forget or I would be so preoccupied with getting pills, there were times when they would come second to me finding a babysitter and getting to my 'friends' house to get some more pills. I realize more than anyone that you do not have control over these pills, as I didn't either. I could not stop and Suboxone was my only hope at the time. I'm afraid that If I didn't find Suboxone... my rock bottom would have been being homeless and losing custody of my kids for not being able to provide for them financially because I was choosing to spend so much money on drugs. I used to give my 'friend' a little more $$ than required just so he would act quicker when I needed the next round... and it worked but left me BROKE. I'm actually meeting w/an attorney tomorrow to finalize my bankruptcy. I'm losing my house because i'm so behind on my house payment, I can't catch up. We are having to move from a nice 3 bedroom house in a very nice part of town to an apartment. Of course, now that I have all of this 'extra money' each month, we will be able to live great now but it's sad that my children won't have a back yard to play in. Anyway, one more thing about your husband... Since I started the Suboxone, I don't drink at all... and my boyfriend actually said to me at a party the other night "I'll be glad when you start drinking again"... So I know how you feel about that part of it too. I'm sure your husband does not want you to succeed because that will mean that he will not be far behind you in getting help but you absolutely have to. Again, I promise I don't think you are a bad mom, I just know that I've been there. I put the pills in front of everything... my work, my boyfriend, my kids, everything. That's what happens... you lose control of them and I know exactly how that feels... it's very scary and the only way you can stop abusing is to get some help because you cannot do it by yourself. Please listen to my experiences and realize it is only going to get worse... you will end up losing your kids if you don't stop now. I promise.... I'm a Vice President at a bank and if it can happen to me, it can happen to you.

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