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Re: Kinda?
Feb 12, 2004
Hey Seamus

Out on the glaziers? Huh - you cheeky devil - and you being Nae Nookie of the North have the cheek to comment? LOL
And as for Court Jester - my bahookie - more like the Court wizard!!!! (oops - have to watch my words here - wizard has connotations in the US - that we dont have here?).

Yep - feel like you too. Just such a pity that you me and Rosie cant just sit down over a mug of coffee together - sure we could achieve so much? So - I shall send over my Lear to pick you both up and bring you back over? Now - wouldn't that just be grand? Could fly to a nice remote spot in the Outer Hebrides (or maybe even Dingle Bay?) and just chill for a few days? Ho hum......... nice dream?

Back to grim reality now then?

Rosie - obviously I dont really know your situation and so if I say anything really stupid and irrelevant - then just dump it? Or tell me to get off your case? Ha ha ha ha ha ha - poor you - you got both Kinda and me to contend with now? Deadly combination??
Reading your post above, I get the impression that you are really now clutching at straws - looking for excuses not to face up to the stark reality of your situation. Perhaps looking for excuses? You husband? Your children? A suitable shrink or therapist?
You have now come so far along this road - but you are now really at an impasse? Its decision time? You cant pass the buck now.
Try - in your mind - just to forget - for a minute - about all the things you are factoring into this equation - like hubbie, kids, job, shrink etc etc etc............. just think of you and how you feel about yourself and how you would prefer to think of yourself? I suspect you are not really feeling that good about yourself at all? You still need the pills as a crutch? And the thought of giving up on the opiates makes you think about other crutches in the forms of anti-depressants and sleeping pills (therapy too?) You have got to look in the mirror and really figure out what you want - for you - not for your kids, hubbie, job etc - but for you - Rosie - the human being. Dont you really long for a Rosie who is totally drug free and who is just getting on with life just like most other people in the world? You just want to be normal - not exceptional - but normal? Just to be able to be you, the wife and mother, the professional..... and live life - with all its trials and tribulations - just like everyone else? Just to be able to face up to life without the safety hatch? Certainly - that is how I wanted it to be.
I just bet you do too. Just an ordinary decent life? So........ to achieve this you have got to chuck the pills. No two ways about it. I would urge you to think about giving them all up (well - you know I would!) - but obviously I dont know your medical background esp wrt anti depressants........... only you know the truth about all this. But I suspect that if you give up on the opiates and ambien then you will find that your depression becomes non existent and you wont need a/ds. Just my thoughts! After all - you will also have to address the reasons for your needing a/ds? You have a loving husband, a couple of nice kids, a nice home, a career........ so why are you depressed? Maybe you have to look closer and this - deal with it too and move on?
Rosie - I am well over-stepping the mark here - and I dont do it lightly - but as Kinda has pointed out - we have total anonymity in here and so can be totally truthful? No point in beating about the bush then?
Please Rosie - face yourself square on and see it as it really is? You can't abdicate responsibility here to your husband, kids, job, shrink ............ only you can do this?
Could you not think of a 5 day detox as Kinda did? I am sure he can share so much more with you about his experiences - and more importantly - how he coped and dealt with life following those 5 days? My feeling is that the longer you go on (even if tapering all the while) - the harder it is going to become to finally bite the bullet? The argument for tapering opiates? Always remembering that there is no medical risk to your health or life to detox - and its all over in 5 days. Now - anyone can take 5 days out of their life and routine for this - and without anyone knowing - except hubbie? You could just be away visiting a friend for a few days?
But - again - this is for you to decide - and whichever - detox or taper - be assured of my continuing support!
Rosie - you are clearly a bright intelligent insightful person - and I am not being flattering and mushy - Kinda will tell you - but you will already know - that is not in my nature! LOL.
So - use these gifts you have - and make some very hard decisions about where you are going? And just do it!
Oh - I am having a wee chuckle just now - I so well remember going on and on at someone in an AA meeting (you see - I thought I knew it all!) - telling him about the power of positive thinking, taking control of my life etc - and watching his eyes glaze over! When I finally stopped - he just looked me in the eye and said "Aye fine, yinksy - but for goodness sake - stop talking about is - and - JUST DO IT! "
That had such a profound effect on me - I still remember the moment - it was a turning point for me.
So Rosie - time to stop clutching at straws - "life aint a dress rehearsal" (sorry - couldnt resist!) - showtime!
Stop thinking about it - and - just do it?
Love you

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