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Re: Shemac???
Feb 22, 2004
Michelle - Not only does depression seem to run in families--but I would say it [I]races[/I] through them! :eek: Alice, being my identical twin and blessed with almost my same "zygosity" (as they all it), has it. My Mom and Dad both did at certain points...and my Grandma on Dad's side did. Of course, in those early days, before words like "serotonin" or "norepinephrine" entered the scientific vocabulary, my Mom said that all depressions were known as "the blues"!!! People committed suicide because they were feeling "blue." What an understatement!! Anyway....in our family it was more on my Dad's side, and I now realize that when I would see my normally "up" and always humorous father, sitting quietly in his chair, not saying much and not focusing on much...that he suffered from clinical depression.

Like you, I too, at times had terrible anxiety. Real "panic" stuff, particularly during my first episode when I was living and working in London. At that time, valium was considered a pill you just popped at any old time. In fact, when I worried about the zombie state it put me in....my doctor said "oh, nothing to worry about. I start my day each morning with two of them." Arrrgggghhhhhhh! I should have started running and not looked back! :rolleyes: But I did stop taking those pills as soon as my panics finally subsided. I've never been prescribed Xanax and am not certain what's in it. But, as you have to face such awful panic attacks, I can more than understand the relief of having something available to ease them.

For some reason, anxiety and full-blown panic attacks are not so much of a problem for me these days..though I am prescribed 15 5mg pills of Klonipin each month (which I rarely ever finish). I definitely find, however, that when I'm tapering off the hydros, these Klonipins are the only thing that relieve this awful "throbbing" chest and throat sensation that I find so disturbing and tough to deal with. I would LIKE to be like Yinksy...but I admit to far less willpower to making that decision to just go through all the suffering for a few weeks--once and for all--to be off the stuff. (I often wonder if this is linked to my generation's '70's culture of drugs equals happiness...or as the song goes "if it feels good..do it"!!! :D The availability of all sorts of pills and pot at parties and get-togethers made pill-popping seem such an innocuous, social thing to do. But..of course, I'm just making excuses!! :nono: I know what the right thing to do is. ;)

Anyway, as I ponder where to go from here, I am very encouraged by this board. And, Banker's great messages about how much better (and less addicted) she feels on the Sub definitely gives me hope--'tho I [I]am[/I] tapering from the hydros and take much less than I did. (About five 7.5's a day). I have no qualms about the rights and wrongs of taking Sub, as I see how wonderfully Banker and others are doing.,,,even though it does mean facing withdrawal in the future. But, if I could spend some time feeling more "normal" again, as she does, that would be a real incentive for me to get off my current pills.

I am just mentally overwhelmed by those, like you and Banker and Rosie, who are raising three children, while fighting all this pill stuff. I would have been resting in a plain, pine box long ago, if faced with your struggles!!! :D You are all so amazing to me! (By the way, I know that women often have depressive episodes after having children...evidentally all your chemicals are placed in a "blender"!!! And we are at the mercy of our chemistry!

I just meant this to be a quick note...but, instead, I have rewritten "War and Peace"!!! (But...hey....why say something in two sentences...when it can be said in two hundred!!!) :rolleyes:

Am off to feed me and my dogs. My little Celeste had one of her attacks about an hour ago...she's got a very bad heart...so I'm about to add lots of TLC to her other three medications and plop her in my lap for the evening.

Good night to all. (What are your childrens' names? When I got my dogs nine years ago, it took me about 4 weeks to select "suitable" names for them!! They always get human names..and I like to observe their personalities before I stick them with names that are totally "wrong" for them!! :)

And good-night to Yinksy and Kinda (who may be clawing at the board to get back in!!!) :wave:





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