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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Addiction & Recovery Board Index


Laurie,

Glad you read my post. I can totally relate to your lack of motivation. After being on drugs for so long, drugs start to become a necessary part to every aspect of your life, including personality and energy levels. It's almost as necessary as food. And you know how depleted and down you feel if you haven't eaten anything in a while, well it's the same with drugs. Your body is just missing something it has needed to live for so long. I guess it just takes time for your body to learn to live without it.

I was mainly addicted to pot (though I'd take any and everything else I could get), and stayed that way for about 4 years. When I say I was addicted to pot, I mean I devoted my entire life to it. I smoked as soon as I woke up, when I went to the bathroom, when I took a shower, when I cooked, when I ate, when I watched tv, everything. It became such a vital part to my life I chose to smoke pot all day instead of going to school and going to work. So of course I was forced to drop out of school and I was fired from work (I'm assuming, since I never went back there). My entire life fell apart. But it all didn't seem to phase me. It all didn't matter. I still couldn't help but want to smoke all day. So I did.

For me, pot didn't make my personality any different, it mostly made personalities not matter, if that makes sense. On pot I didn't care if somebody didn't like me, I didn't care about anyone or anything on pot.

So when I went cold turkey one day, my entire world went upside down. Pot was as important to me as air, and now I had to do everything without it. Everything in my life was different. When I was on pot, everything I did was filled with wonder and enjoyment. Off of pot, everything seemed laborious and incredibly boring. All the while, in my head, I knew the reason it felt that way was bc I didn't have pot in me. My head was screaming for pot all the time.

And it still is. It's really tough, but I'm trying to stick it out. The hard part is that it's not like anything else. With anything else (like exercising or something), the first days are tough but it gradually gets easier. But with pot, it never gets any easier. It's been a full year sober now, and my cravings are just as bad as before. I think the trick is to get your mind off the drug as much as possible.

That's why I've never gone to any NA meetings or anything like that. For me, talking about it just makes me think about it, which for me is not good. Like Ozzy once said (about aa meetings) on the show The Osbournes, "If I got my leg cut off, why would I want to sit around and talk about how I got my leg cut off?"

But that's just me. I'm sure I'm probably missing out on a great healing opportunity. Perhaps talking about it would help me get over it (or at least cope better). So I don't know, it just depends on you. I just know that keeping it bottled up and trying to do it all on your own is tough. But it can be done. It's just that there are tons of help offered to you out there (na meetings, therapists to talk to, etc), and it's up to you if you want to take it or not. I think you should just pick any na meeting and go to it. If you don't like it, then go to another one. If you continue to not like any of them, then you know na meetings aren't for you. I wish I was there, I'd go with you to check it out. I think having a buddy to go with might help too.

As far as what they do there, I'm not entirely sure, but I'd guess they have testimonials (where you tell your story and listen to other's stories), and probably other stuff to give you tips on how to cope with your addiction.

Anyway, you sound like a really sweet person, and I give you lots of praise for really trying to actively do something about your addiction. Going to curves, seeing a doctor, even bible study, it all helps and are huge strides in the road to recovery. I can't even get out of bed, so you've already made lots of progress over me.

About the doctor, I don't think any doctor really knows what side effects the drug they're giving will have on their patient. I guess that's why you're suppossed to tell your doc everything, as soon as it starts happening. But that's the thing with addiction, it's hard to know right away that you're addicted, half the time you're in denial or you just don't really realize it. Anyway, I do believe there are some docs out there who just want to write you a Rx and get you out of there as quickly as possible and don't give a damn about you possibly getting addicted to a drug. But I also believe that most docs actually do care and have your best interest in mind. So, maybe I'm talking in circles, but I don't think doctors are the ones to blame all the time. The drug itself is meant to help and is given with good intentions, it's just that the drug itself is oftentimes very addictive.

But ultimately, the blame is rested solely on you. Which means that the recovery is rested solely on you as well. Only you can recognize that there is a problem, and only you can start doing something about it. But while you can't blame anything but yourself, I do feel that these highly addictive drugs they give are somewhat to blame as well. It just sucks that we don't have the technology to make non-addictive drugs.

Anyway, I'd better go. Don't take everything I say seriously. Most of it might just be the mindless ramblings of an insomniac, and I probably don't understand everything you're going through. After all, I am only 23 and haven't been though the kinds of hardships you've had to endure (like difficulties in marriage, etc). But I will always be here to offer you whatever rambling help I can give you. Take care and be healthy





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