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Rosie's update
Mar 19, 2004
I am so far behind in my reading, but wanted to just to catch up, in case I run out of time. If anyone has cried out to me w/ a question, I will try to answer tomorrow.

Good things I did today: called 2 treatment centers who take my insurance and talked to them at length; went to a women's meeting that I hadn't liked before, but it was much different this time and it helped me; and called and talked to my sponsor. Bad thing: took at least 8 today (I count in 24 hour periods). "home alone" So don't be too proud of my taper, you guys.

Hubby is already convinced I need hospitalization, maybe the week after easter to really get off. (I wish I could do it the week before Easter so I could be like "reborn" on easter day, though I am in no way of the "born again" religious ilk) He doesn't know about the klonopin; thinks I am stuck at 6 hydro's a day. All he knows is I was supposed to be off 3/21 and I won't be. We're discussing having his sister to come out to help, but not sure she can handle them. BUt things are slowing down, so if ever, the time is now. We are thinking maybe week after easter. Best case is my dad and his wife come out, but now that they have their own business, I feel bad asking. Also, dad is allergic to cats and they have to stay nights at a B&B, but we get a discount, because our main client owns it. Also the issue of my little ones. Wow I would miss them.

I don't think I have shared that I am still breastfeeding the little one, though only a little, since she eats 3 meals a day. They tylenol destroying my liver will not affect hers, not transferred. (One doctor tried to scare me, but I double-checked w/ the pediatrician, saying I had been taking tylenol and dayquil at the same time; they said it hurts you, not her) Also, chiro says my liver would be very resilient if I were to stop. The hydro and the klonopin are transferred in very small amounts and you are supposed to observe for sedation, none of which I have seen. However, you are supposed to slowly taper off the klonopin anyway, so that is an issue. Need to research that one a little bit more before I take the plunge and/or have plenty pumped. I need to pump alot to make this at all viable. I have not been taking large amounts of klonopin in any way; 1 or 2 mg/day, but that would be the most complicated part of my treatment per the counselors I talked to today, since they may have to put on something to prevent seizures from withdrawal. Yinksy is right about those little devils. The only reason I bought the klonopin was to do a w/d on my own, but I ended up using both! :nono: Subutex is supposed to be fine with breastfeeding, but not suboxone. BTW, she refuses to drink from a bottle or sippy cup, though she will eat yogurt and drink some water from a cup. She is old enough to not need formula anymore. Trying to get her to take cow's milk from a cup and she will take a couple sips. I was gone all day yesterday at the aquarium with the 3-year old and the little one was asking the babysitter if she could nurse!

Anyway, they do use sub in these hospitals, though they don't make you, and they do discharge you in 7-10 days BUT they always mention a "maintenance program" of which I am leery. I said I have yet to write/meet someone who has gone through a one-week sub detox and been able to stop the sub. They say older methods could be used and they certainly wouldn't twist my arm to take it, but knowing me I would end up begging for it in the heat of the moment. The hospitals are in L.B. (South) and N.B., for Californians who can figure this out. Counselors in their CDU's let me talk their ears off.

Other decisions coming up: tomorrow night if I am needed for bunco (one person is an iffy, and I had said before I would go and don't want to screw up the whole game with there being an odd no., plus it is fun), but I should go to my Fri. nt. mtng. Meeting ends up being less time away from hubby and kids than the game, so hubby probably favors meeting. Also, need to be careful; taking kids to Swallow's Day parade Saturday, and hubby can't help because he is in it. I think his dad my come to help, but not sure how much help he'll actually be. Lots of loaded people at this event. But of course would have sober fil to keep an eye on me.

Next Thursday night is a big party, where people (including hubby) get really drunk, but I think I would be okay, because I have been to it twice while pregnant without drinking and was fine. Still, they say alcohol can make you slip, so I would have to be extra good. Either that, or go to this women's meeting instead. But I miss my husband; never get to talk to him, it seems and we need a date.

Then, he will be off on his 3-day weekend, and I have to be brave enough to lug my kids to the Friday night meeting (everyone chips in for babysitting at that meeting), or I am sure I will take extra that weekend to make it through. Saturday I will be taking the girls by myself to the big easter bunny community "spring fling" and they are both escape artists, though the older one is getting better, so I have to make sure I don't take extra for energy for that.

My sponsor swears up and down that a year from now I will say, you are right, it IS easier without the pills! She gets bad headaches, just like me, but has 11 years clean, so she is great for me.

Chiropractor called me tonight; just to tell me labs not back yet on thyroid work and she will actually call me as soon as they come in. Plus she gives me copies of everything. She actually went to see a kidney doctor for me to see about my kidney stones (another excuse for pills) although I have a urologist. She is basically taking care of me as a whole person, and is the first one to spot my thyroid problem. Did I tell you guys the endocrinologist was great? A woman w/ thyroid problems of her own. Remember, this doctor was refusing new patients, but chiro talked her into seeing me. And the only reason I went to the chiro was for help with my headaches (acupuncture was to be next) so I could find an alternative to the pills. God is just leading me in the right direction. That is supposed to happen when you just "do the right thing." (Sorry about all the quotations. I never use them in my professional work and find them annoying, but for some reason use them all the time on this board. I truly am quoting things I have heard, though.)

Wow, I better get some sleep, so I can wake up early and get a shower in before hubby goes to work. Hair not washed since Tuesday. Yuk!

I think about all of you here, my friends, all the time, although I haven't been at the computer as much with all my doctor appointments, tests and meetings. (BTW, tests include liver panel.) Plus, tapering down makes me more tired.

Talk to you soon. I love you guys and send hugs your way. :wave:

Thank you, whoever listened to this whole novel. just getting it out there helps me alot. Pretty sure at least 2 or 3 of you will read it through, right? Might act as a good non-drug alternative to the sleeping aid. :yawn: Worked for kinda back in the day.

luv,
rosie





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