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Hi,

Some/many of you know me alittle bit. I was addicted to opiates on & off actively for awhile. I started suboxone 3 months ago and have been doing very well with it.

As you know, you don't get high or that feeling with suboxone. I don't know what triggered this, depression, boredom (that's what I think it is) because I as very busy for awhile, untiil my life seemed to come to a hault and got depressed.

I also have taken klonopin for many years, 1 mg per night for another disorder. Never abused it ever, except during a crisis when maybe I took a few more, but it never controlled me. When I took the suboxone with the klonopin I got a really good feeling...not high, but zoned out and often fell asleep with the lights on etc. I liked the way they made me feel.

Instad of calling in for a refill after 3 months, it was getting to be 2 months than 1 month. My Dr. didn't seem to notice it, and I didn't want hiim to notice it; so I thought, I'd get another benzo (valium) so I'd substitute for awhile and I won't run out early. I hate myself. The mind of an addict.

Now, I've been taking valium too much, maybe 2-3 day ...and I don't really need to and not abusing the suboxone, just the valium. I'm horrified I'm going to get addicted to the worst thing you can get addicted to - benzos! I promised myself I would neve absue them, and here I am.

How can I get back to where I was, at least for now. My mind, I realize still is an addicts' mind. I seek to escape any pain I have (emotional) and there is so mucn of it.

Help
Murphy
Murph - I found myself doing the exact same thing. Instead of taking 2 mg xanax a day, I went up to 4 mg which is ALOT! If you really, really need the meds to survive, then you can go down on your own. I've done it and so far, things have been fine. You can do it if you wish too... OR, you can quit completely because that potential for abuse will ALWAYS be there as long as you take them, at least it is for me. I have to be so aware every day of not taking more than prescribed. However, when I dropped it back down, I did not have any withdrawals or anything but I was only taking the 4 mgs for a few weeks.

Seriously, I've said it so many times, an addict is an addict, no matter what the drug. Therefore, if you don't really need Klonopin/Valium --- I would start the taper as Yinsky described. She knows so much about it - very good resource and support person. I know exactly what you mean about the feeling of mixing the two drugs... It can make you 'escape' for a while. So... think about it and if you can live without the benzos (which you may be able to since Sub works well for depression and anxiety) then try to get off. If you do a slow taper, you should be fine. Otherwise, start TODAY and drop it. I don't believe you will have a seizure as long as you are still getting some of the benzos in your system. Yinsky - correct me if I'm wrong.

Murph - You can do this... you are one of like 3 people that literally saved my life by helping me get on Suboxone so please let me know what I can do. I'm always here for you no matter what. Just please keep in touch with us. You have been on my mind too - I haven't heard from you in so long... except for your other post (which, thank you, by the way). But you can go back about several weeks ago and I posted to Yinsky about abusing the Xanax and she helped me and I was able to drop it back down to the prescribed dose. It all depends on how badly you need it. I need it badly so I can't play around with it. If I start to increase again or if I ever feel like I cannot control my intake - I will have to go to detox or something to get off of it.

Do you feel like you cannot control it no matter what you do? Or... do you think you can taper and handle this? I'll be praying for you --- what's the deal with the depression? What's going on?





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