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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

I am new to the board and wanted to introduce myself. My name is Lyn I am 23 years old. I live in Texas. I have been addicted to vicodin for 7 years. Two months ago (Jan 28) My boyfriend (whom I live with) discovered my use, he knew about it prior to us dating, however, I told him that I had stopped using. He discovered in January that I was still using, and it was worse that ever. I was using 10-15 a day 7.5 and 10 mgs. He asked me to move out, and told me that unless I get help, he couldnt be with me. Thats pretty much when I hit rock bottom and decided to get help. I stayed with my mom and dad for a week while I was going through detox. It started out with the flu, and I ended up with pneumonia. I didnt start to feel better until almost 2 weeks later. I see a licensed drug counselor, and a psychiatrist. I also attend meetings when I can. It was recommended that I join an online help group. I was prescribed the medication Naltrexone. Now that I am off the vicodin, I understand just how terrible I must have been to live with. I never thought I was hurting anyone other than myself. I was also thought that no one else knew!! when as a matter of fact, everyone around me knew, they also knew that talking to me wouldnt do any good, this had to be a decision that I made for myself. I let my drug use consume me. It was all I cared about, its the only thing that mattered to me, the only thing that I could depend on to be there for me when I was having a bad day, or when I was hurting. I justified my use in everyway possible, I would have dental work done to get the pills, I purposely broke one of my fingers to get some, I would go to the ER and say I fell and hurt my back, or sprained my ankle, or was suffering from migraines, just so that I would always have a valid reason for having them. Then I was flagged by the state, and was no longer allowed to have prescriptions filled in my names, since I have had over 300 prescriptions for Vicodin filled in my name since I was 18. Thats when I got desperate and started buying, even stealing them. I would lie to people and tell them that I was in pain, and didnt have the money to go get my prescription, and they would give me some of their pills. In these seven years I have overdosed 3 times, been in a rehad...have had 2 car accidents related to the pills. I had a close friend of mine die of and Oxy overdose....nothing seemed to be enough for me. Tough love seemed to work when my boyfriend asked me to move out. I hated him at the time for it, told him he was sorry for bailing out on me when I needed him the most, and told him that if he really loved me he would stick by me.....when all along he was doing just what I needed him to. Now, I cant believe I said all those things to him. I was so manipulative, I knew what to say and when to say it. I felt like superwoman on the pills, I could do anything, I had tons of energy, I was willing to go out of my way for people and I was in a great mood, I though I could take on the world....when in mood swings were terrible and I was wearing spreading myself thin. My immune system was terrible, one of my kidneys shut down, a liver panel that the doctors ran came back with areas of concern, I was anemic, I had lost 20 lbs in 3 months (I am 5'8 and 130 lbs now) I slept all the time. The only time I could function was on the pills. It really is a sad way to live. I know there are a lot of you out there who can relate, and would like to hear about you and your struggles and how you have dealt with them....Thank you all so much for you time in reading my post...talking about this matter really does help....
"What starts as a choice....ended in an addiction"
Lyn :wave:

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