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Re: Michelle?
Apr 8, 2004
I just wanted to say that I am so very touched at seeing this connection between you two.Michelle, what Yinksy is saying to you is so very very true.You are suffering so very badly from this illness.I know what you are going through.But there is hope for you Michelle, there really is.even if you don't feel it right now,it IS there.

I know that the biggest thing for you in not doing the rehab is that you will have to leave your babies.I can so relate to that feeling.i went through the same things that you are many years ago when my life was just falling apart.The thought of going into rehab was so scarey.There was no way that I felt i could leave my boys as my husband wouldn't have been able to handle things at all.But knowing that the best possible thing for them was to have a mother who wan't all wrapped up in herself and sinking further and further into the grips of addiction,I had to make a choice.An extremely difficult choice.I ended up doing about a month long rehab, but instead of checking myself in somewhere away from my family, I chose to go the out patient route.This worked out extremely well for me as i could come home everyday,and still have that connection to my family,and get things done around here that needed to get done.I really think that this would possibly be the best way for you to go.

I also had concerns about what other people would think of me if I did this.I was in a rather bad position with my job as well.if the city had found out about my addictions there would have been no way that i would have been able to keep it,as part of what I did was handling other peoples meds.I absolutely loved my job Michelle, but i had to take that risk in losing it as i was sick, just sick,and i desperately needed help to get better.I also felt like that if my parents and friends found out about this, I would never be able to show myself to anyone again.I was really amazed though as when I told my parents about this whole mess, they were sooo supportive.And the few friends that I let know about this were shocked,but also offered to help me in any way they could.

you know, to not get help because of what other people might think is just another excuse.I used it myself for awhile so i wouldn't have to really get myself the help that i so desperately needed.actually, most of the concerns that you have regarding what other people say, wont even be an issue.How will they even find out unless you tell them?

and I am rather curious as to just when your husband had decided that he wanted to send you to rehab last year if you weren't able to get a handle on things by yourself, what plans did he have in regard to who was going to take care of the children then?If he cannot handle taking care of his children,what did he expect was going to happen back then?were you just gonna pack up the babies and take them with you or what?If he wants you to get better, he is going to have to really dig in and help you or it just will not happen.you have more than enough to deal with right now,the less that you have to worry about, the more time you can spend on you.My husband was the same way michelle so I am in no way trying to knock your husband, believe me.but there comes a time when the husbands and fathers really need to just try and be the best hands on dads that they can possibly be.he really needs to lighten your burden right now.these are his children too.He also needs to see just what you go through in your everyday life in having to deal with very young children.I gave my husband an ultimatum,either he starts being a real hands on dad and take some of the responsibility for HIS children or there is absolutely no way that I will be able to get our lives back on track.for the first time in your life Michelle, you have to be selfish.You have to put you first.If you are not healthy, you wont be able to really be there for your kids you know?I hope things get a little easier for you, you have been through so much.You deserve to be happy. I am thinking of you, take care, Marcia





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