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Re: Murphy
Apr 11, 2004
Banker, Lynn,

I so appreciate it..

1). my family is getting closer. My cousin called my brother who called me and there was a very emotional call. He is realy fighting for his life with this disease.

2) I have an intake appointment with the hhosital I was in before outpatient last time when I was detoxing from vicodin to "suboxone". Maintenance they have nothing to do with. I'm praying, praying, that my insurance company will give me another chance and this time go from valium back to nothing (suboxone as maintenance).

3) I've had to make a chart this week with when I put every pill in my body, time, reason, how did I feel, what did I try to do before I did this (I guess meetings, stretching, I don't know ....). Trouble is - is during this last session I was so upset about not being able to taper that week with a little bit left, and now I had to do another chart with a minimum, I got scared and at first I got that feeling of out of control again. I did start the chart but the valium hangover made me not made me able to read my own handwriting.

It is IMPOSSIBLE also to go through what I was left with (they counted) to next week appointment. She asked me - can't you order a little more? and I said absolutely not -- I don't want to order or take anymore - the goal is to get to nothing and you're asking me to order more?????? I don't get this. Then she said, well just do the chart then as well as you can. I don't know what 'm going to say about the extra 2 days. Can you go from 3-5mg valium to 0 just like that and that we OK? I'm going crazy.

4). There is also a clinic outpatient who is wonderful, I've talked to them, and they to detox, but they use pheno -- and I did not want to use that...they put you on them, then they detox you off them.

So - I'm losing my mind it seems that DRs. don't give you options or advice or anything anymore and it can make you just take your life because you are not the expert.

And I so much want to read others here things --- I can't, and esp. next week. so I apologize.

If the Mill Hospital accepts me, with insurance for outpatient detox, that would be the best thing that could happen. I may not leave the facility there unless they take me........


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