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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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[QUOTE=Banker]Murphy - I didn't realize a doc told you that because of your short term valium use, you didn't need inpatient. That's an important factor. Hopefully, this doctor on Friday can help you... Honestly though - how far did you wean down on the valium? How many are you taking a day now and emotionally (other than being VERY angry at Marcia and the doc) how are you feeling? If I'm not mistaken, you got really low didn't you?
Just let us know how you are doing, K? You KNOW we care about you![/QUOTE]

This is the kind of post that helps so much with a few compassionate words. and I thank you. I'm scared to death, call it what you want (some other) - a pity part - I'm not having a party here; this is no fun, and AI see this pattern on message boards sometimes where it starts out at least people trying to understand, tell their story, I'm telling too much. But as the thread progresses, as that person talks to much, it becomes oh shut up we've heard enough of you and your pity party. Think what you want, but until you've walked a day in my shoes and w/o even knowing all the details of my life, you can go on bringing a person further down and help them feel more worthless. And somewhere, a stranger miles away from you could not be here because of comments that are so non-constructive and meant to harm rather than to lift that person up. I guess that's why I don't want to live in a world of Marcias and people who are unable empathize, care and be compassionate. There is one thing I have going for me, I would never tear a person down when they are at the bottom and scared. There's no use in that. Banker, I hope you realize I'm not talking to you. But I've gotten so much heart from too many people to give up stop asking for help because of one or two people.

And I would love to invite a few to a bit of a pity party, because if I could laugh it would mean the word to me. Bye.
[QUOTE=KIMBEE]Murphy, I hope you are having a better day today. I do hope you can get some relief soon. I cant imagine how hard this must be for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers daily, things will get better!! Hang in there!![/QUOTE]

Thank you Kimbeee, any kind of kindness always helps. I appreciate your caring. I'm hoping to resolve something tomorrow, if not I'll be admitting myself into the hospital because of a stupid mistake of my part. I figured out why I made this mistake too. I was looking for that feeling that I was not getting anymore from the vicodin. From #30 to 0 and I could look at a pill and it didn't phase me. And what a mess I've made of things by taking valiums? I'm 43 years old and haven't had a valium since I was 20. I was looking for that cocktail I'll never have again. I have alot to learn I realized. But I guess the relapse to a drug that wasn't my drug of choice even, taught me alot.
Thanks, and thanks for your prayers. I am having a hard time hanging in here I must admit but the will to live is strong.

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