It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index


I wish so much I could just give you a giant hug right now! You sound as if you coud use at least a dozen of them. :-) I finally got a second to come back on line--big crisis at work (not involving me, thank heavens)--but my boss forgetting she had an extra column to write by tomorrow. All this came up, just as I was reading your post--and answering it--so I was forced to go right off-line and help my boss out. So, I am so sorry I couldn't get back to you again until now.

Just a few points I wanted to say to you:

1. Your grandmother may be alchoholic--and certainly in need of detox--but she is also an elderly woman with the complication of memory loss. And just how much of the Scotch she's been drinking is contributing--or causing--her memory problems, is not something that can be answered immediately.

2. Your grandma might be experiencing the beginnings of dementia and memory loss--that started some time ago (pre-Scotch days) and is just becoming apparent. Some huge percent--like 50 % of the elderly, who reach 85 + years--will suffer from this. She needs to be evaluated once she has been through the detox program.

3. BUT---I can't begin to tell you just how many of the elderly become "confused," disoriented...and deteriorate while in a strange environment, like a hospital. When there is already brain cell loss, as there may be in your grandmother's case, hospitablization only contributes to the memory loss and distress of not knowing or understanding where she is. I am NOT saying this to frighten or panic you---this occurrence is inevitable, because almost EVERY elderly person becomes ill enough to require a hospital stay at some time--and any memory loss becomes intensified. My mother would go into the hospital (the geriatric ward)...and within 24 hours, become so helpless and disoriented from suddenly having her world changed, while she was aleady dealing with so much loss of her memory and reasoning powers. It was always shocking to me to see how fast it happened. Of course, once she was back home--she would begin to very slowly get back to "normal" again. But it required so much time and patience to reorient her back to her familiar world again. So, we tried to make certain that all her hospital stays were minimal.

3. A Geriatric Care Manager will know all this about the disorientation--and I believe will suggest that it is better for your grandmother' to see her loved ones daily and minimize the confusion and the memory loss. A woman in her late 80's with the possible beginnings of a dementia-relatedl illness, is not your typical detox patient--and the "Rules' may need to be changed in her case! But I'm not certain the regular staff of a Detox Center would actually call in a Geriatric

4. This is where it would be so helpful to get the attention of of a good Geriatric Care Manager, who can evaluate and supervise the recovery of your grandmother...NOT just for the alchohol problem...but for the "total care" needed, so that your grandma's needs can be coordinated between the hospital medical staff...and the Care Manager.

5. I am no authority on this detoxing situation--but do know how carefully an elderly person's care has to be balanced between her body...and her mind. It sounds as if you are taking those steps to help her out..and have started that process. That is just what she needs.

6. I am just as concerned, Banker, at how miserable you are feeling., YOURSELF! :-( First of all, you are under all this it is understandable. But, secondly, I worry so much that you are taking some of the posters' negative views on Sub (telling you that all you're doing is switching opiates) to such an extent, that you are feeling guillty about a drug that, as you say, has "saved your life." It is wearing you down listening to others whose physical chemistries--and whose adament anti-Sub philosophies--are so different from your own. And...because you are in a weaker emotional state right now, you are blaming yourself for doing the one thing that has made such a dramatic difference in your life--the Sub. Please try to believe in yourself and your knowledge that you did the right thing. Because you HAVE! The way you have changed your life is one of the bravest stories I have read here. And you KNOW you made the best decision for yourself. Look at all the other posters who agree with you every step of the way--and have their own miracle stories to tell about Sub.

7. You ARE normal--the Sub is letting you recover. You are such a strong person to have done what was necessary to turn your life around. Right now, it's your distress and tiredness talking. It is so "normal" to feel depressed with all the stress you are under with your grandmother, your boyfriend, and the strain of doing just what's right for your kids, etc, etc. You WILL come out of it. Just let the waves of the depression wash over you, knowing that you have been doing the right thing. There are just times in life that ARE depressing--no matter what choices we make.

You have helped yourself, your kids....and now you are helping your grandmother. PLEASE don't let other people's varying goals--and their ways to achieve them--affect your OWN. You always sound so wise....and so willing to help others through their problems. You WILL get past the depression...and you WILL feel more confident again.

Everything you have done is for the love of others....and God does not for a moment think less of your selflessness because you were not in a pew last Sunday. As far as I've learned about God's powers, your religion of love and helping others puts you waaaay up there in His estimation! :-)

Love, PLEASE keep us updated as much as possible about your gran....and YOURSELF! Banker, I would love to talk longer, but I am so, so tired from work today..and my eyes are actually closing as I write. So, I have to say good-bye for now...and I pray that you will be feeling better very, very soon.

xxx Much, much love to you, Lynn xxx :-)
You guys are too kind. Kathi, thank you for pointing that out. I haven't thought about it and it does make me feel good. You're right about the fact that I do NOT like, enjoy or tolerate being depressed, miserable, etc. It didn't take me long to get over the ex (although, still miss him some) but I'm starting to talk to other guys... had a date last weekend and it appears that I'll have one next weekend (when I don't have the kids). It takes some patient men to date me since I don't allow them to meet the children early on. That means they only get to see me when I don't have them (which in reality, is not that much) but also, we can meet for lunch and stuff. Also, in the summer... the children will be gone longer than normal so that should give me some 'social' time which I desperately need. I think!

I've had a really bad habit of judging my own 'well being' on whether or not men think I'm attractive or whether someone is interested in me. I KNOW this stems from not having a father and needing that male approval. I had gotten better prior to me dating my last boyfriend and I'm trying to get things under control now. However, my counselor says 'you will never be alone'... It's just the type of person I am. I enjoy, crave people around me. Unless there is depression, and then it's a whole different story.

Anyway, both of you had a good idea but I've already done it. When I called the office to schedule the appt. and they said June, I told them to put me on the list. I asked on average, how much sooner could I get in and she said it just depends on how many are on it now. She's a great doctor but I'm scared of everything... I'm really scared that she's going to try and get me off of benzos. That would be like someone making me get off of Sub or an anti depressant. I'm a little nervous.

An example of how my anxiety hits --- I was on the phone the other day w/my boys dad and we were talking about my sons problems and the fact that he just got glasses and I'm really worried about how he's going to tolerate the 'teasing'. Although, he's an extremely popular kid (can you believe they have popular kids in 2nd grade???) but even his teacher said that EVERYONE wants to be with him. Anyway, hopefully that groundwork will assist him during this. Kids can be so damn mean. Then, my middle child is SO ADD it's not even funny. Well, his dad is in complete denial about it and doesn't want me to take him to his doc to discuss it. JUST to discuss it... I do not think he's hyper, but he is extremely ADD - he's exactly like me.

What's happening is he's always in trouble for acting impulsively or not completing tasks... talking in class... He cannot focus on one thing. Well, I have to be 'on him' all of the time and it's absolutely killing his self esteem which in my opinion, is making things worse. I don't want to have a child that truly believes he's a bad kid and that's where we are now... He needs help. My ex says that all I do is worry and that I need to calm down. He says I find things to worry about and obsess about until I end up driving myself crazy. If I got off of a benzo, I could not function. I could not drive on the interstate... therefore it would take me about 2 hours to get to work and 2 to get home. There are tons of things I couldn't do. K - enough about that. I'm just worried about it.

Also, worried about how in the hell they will treat depression, anxiety disorder and ADD as well as the addiction piece. Talk about dual diagnosis... Well, let's see, I guess I have quadrupal diagnosis. lol Not to mention the food issue - I'm starving myself then binging. (I don't throw up or anything) but it's just not healthy how i'm trying to lose weight. Maybe the depression is causing a lot of that too. But with all of these disorders... there is no telling what they are going to do as far as medication is concerned. Most of the time with ADD, they often prescribe a stimulant, which will only make me 1,000 times more anxious so it's like I'm just stuck with this.

Goodness, could I talk about myself anymore that what I just did? I'm really sorry. I can be so damn selfish and I do apologize.

Kathi - how in the heck are you feeling? I know you have got to be just absolutely miserable with your pain. Does the PT help with the pain or make it worse? Did you say it's just one knee or both? Surely you didn't have both done...??? How's your girlfriend? Is she helping more? How are the cravings? Have you made it to any meetings? I know that has got to be hard but how determined and strong you must be. It's amazing....

Lynn - my grandmother... SO SAD. I believe she now knows what she is in the hospital for because my aunt talked to her last night and my grandmother asked her if she had 'talked to anyone' and my aunt said 'Banker' :-) And my grandmother said 'did you tell her why I am here?'. It's the first indication that she knows why she is there and it just breaks my f'ing heart. If my other crazy aunt had not been here pouring the booze down her throat, she would not have to face this right now. It makes me so angry.

In addition - the dimentia is killing me and always have. I cannot stand elderly (and these are people I don't even know or am related to) that come to the realization that they are 'losing their mind'. I can't stand it. It must be the most horrible feeling in the whole world. To know these are your last days and that you get confused and I swear, it just tears my heart out. My grandmother is so sweet. Had it not been for her, no telling what would have happened to me growing up. She wasn't there all of the time, but sometimes she was. She's normal and seriously the most classy, intelligent lady in the whole world. Lynn, just like you said about your mother, she's always been so loving and caring for those around her. One thing that I have always been so dissapointed in is that she is extremely racist. I know it's her generation and that there is nothing I can do to make her stop being that way but it bothers me so badly. When I was in 8th grade, I was head cheerleader and when basketball season came around, she made me quit the team because she didn't want me 'cheering for those black people'. Can you imagine? Gosh, it was horrible. She stereotypes people terribly. But again, that's all she's ever known and it's just plain 'ole ignorance that most of the older southerners (you know, the ones that voted for George Wallace) have. But, can't help but love her still.

About Theo - Lynn... you need to go ahead and schedule this appt. I know it's misery on you and I know you are dreading it with everything you have but the sooner you do it, the better he will be. Seriously, I know how difficult it's going to be for you seeing him in pain, but you know (and I don't want to upset you) but his little pride is hurt right now not being able to do the things he knows he should be able to do. I truly believe that animals have a great sense of dignity and we want him to have that dignity back as soon as we can. If it's expense related as to why you are waiting a little longer, than I can completely understand that. There is no telling how much this surgery is going to cost but isn't it amazing how every dime will be worth it, and I know you know this more than anything.

Well guys, I'm sorry my post was so long. I didn't mean for it to be. I AM very thankful that all of you guys care so much about me and I appreciate it more than you know. Take care and keep in touch.

P.S. Lynn, long story here too but I believe my grandmother will not be allowed to return to her home since that's where my crazy aunt is and she's the one that's been feeding her the scotch. They are going to try to put her in assisted living as soon as she is released. It's odd to think about but I believe it's the best place for her. She will be able to make friends yet still feel somewhat independent. My other aunt is wanting her to come live w/her with a daytime sitter but that's just not a good idea as that aunt has no patience and as you know, it requires ALOT of patience to take care of an elderly person. Also, she has pain as well watching her go downhill and when she experiences pain, she get mad and it comes out toward my grandmother. I pray that the social worker will force the issue and make her go to assisted living. She makes enough money to be able to afford a nice place, according to the social worker. K - I've taken too much of your time anyway and thanks again for always being here for me.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:20 AM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!