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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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They have me going to this full week (including tomorrow) day program in the midst of w/d and i'm upset for so many reasons. As soon as I have a moment (it gets worse)....

but an example..I just got an E-mail from the doc (I E-mailed him previously 5 times before, short consis, etc.

He writes (after I spoke to him today and he was so friendly and then he writes me this:

Please remove my e-mail address (it's on his cad) from our list. I am not able to porcess email correspondence from patients with the frequency that you want t write. I am not reimbursed for my time or my office staff's time spent handling you multple redundant E-mails, a d as we have been told many times, using the computer is like an alcoholic hanging out in the bar. I addition to the benzo and opiate addictions, it appears you suffer with a computer addiction that prevents you from using the technoloogy appropriately and safely.

(This is actually the DR. taunting me for ordering online...i mean out of nowhere. She's suffering and detoxing why not kick her down and make her feel worse.

THEN, not gonna believe this - I got a hand-written letter from hiim today, giving me instructions of what to do should I want hiim to treat me as a psychiatrist, a, b, c,) and he can get me on the suboxone again!!! But first I needed to do certain things like "write" the company I ordered the valium from (I haven't a clue!).

Earlier today I paged him to change my medication for sleep, and he was so nice and friendly - talked about detox, how long it would take, and said sure to everything I asked him for. And then this??? If I weren't so afraid I'd sue him and his assistant for malpractice but I have to focus on my recovery.

And then my other Dr. (psych) nobody could get a hold of him in the hospital for 3 days! And he made the decision for me to stay on klonopin and disconinue the suboxone when that was NOT my decision.

Now, he's supposed to be back to calling the klonopin in, and nothing is there despite numerous requests. I'm trying to not kill myself, because I feel like it, I really do.

Anyway I should get off this "toxic" addiction that I'm using so inappropriately.

I feel like Imm cooperating with this program (at first I wanted to just leave) but I felt that maybe in the future i would close doors. And I'm detoxing and not very happy, do you know what it's like to be detoxing and trying to get through a 6 hour day?

But, I have to make alot of changes (if I live) and it's obviously therapists. When I got the letter from the doc ... I actually thought about it; ok detox from benzos, stay on suboxone for maintenance. I fear relapse very much.

I came home and slept for 3 hours, I should eat something :(
I'm so miserable and just can't tell you.

But I can't do anytghing now I'm at this program from 9-4, and I dont like meetings but I don't complain, I talked, dry mouth and all.


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