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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

I commend you for coming here, admitting you are an addict and attempting to get clean. My opinion (and take it for what it's worth... you can ignore it if you would like) is that you should come clean. If you were to start AA/NA - one of the BIG rules is honesty. If you are living with a lie, how can you expect NOT to feel guilty which in turn, will lead to relapse again. You will feel guilty for not telling the truth. It's so difficult to live w/a lie inside. I know, I've done it. But honestly, the people that I see be truly successful in beating addiction are the ones that are going to meetings (regularly) and are following the 'rules'... Honesty is huge! The burden you feel will be relieved. He may freak out - but in the end, if he truly loves you and is there 'in sickness and in health'... he will be there for you and you need as much support as you can get. When/if you tell him, he will REALLY need to do research regarding alanon or whatever.

Just like you said - people who are not addicts don't understand. He needs to understand. But be prepared for the worst... he's going to feel stupid for not being able to tell. He's going to feel guilty for not being there for you during this. He's going to feel hurt because you have lied to him. He's going to be overwhelmed with feelings. But I just believe it's important for addicts to be honest.

Let me be very clear in saying that I don't always practice what I preach.... But I preach what I've seen work - with my own eyes... I dated a guy (almost got engaged) for over a year.... just like you, went through the entire addiction, withdrawals... everything and he never knew. I went and got on Suboxone (maintenance drug for repeat relapsers) and he never knew. In fact, when I got on Sub and saw the world for what it really was, I realized a lot of things and one was that we didn't have the greatest relationship in the world... Big shock for me. That being said, I know how you feel and I was too scared to ever tell him. But you are married and I just feel that if you really, really want to be successful and quit, you are going to HAVE to have his support. Again, just what I've seen work with other people. And I can tell you that it is extremely unusual for addicts to be successful without the assistance of aa or na. I'm not saying it can't happen... I'm saying it's unusual. So get to some meetings... If you can.

And keep up the great work. You're almost through the worst part of this.

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