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To John 3:16
May 18, 2004
You asked a question on my earlier post and the chronological way of the post seemed to have juxtapost (no pun intended) so I am assuming you did not get to read my reply. I did not want you to think I wouldn't reply!!!

At the height of my pill taking I could easily swallow in an 18 hour period 20-25 10/325 Norco's. About 4 months prior to my going CT I realized that I was not going to be able to maintain my usage at the rate I was going. I actually was forced to end up taking around ten pills a day. Eventually I could not get my hands on Hydros so I switched to codiene. If I had the Hydros I would use them and use the codeine to stave off withdrawal symptoms. So when I went CT it is hard to say exactly how much I was taking.
As far as the withdrawal - it was not fun, but I got myself some Clonidine pills and some Valium along with Immodium (pill form). The worst was the crawling sensations up and down my skin and deep in my muscles, mostly leg muscles. I took hot hot soaking baths and tried to drink lots of fluids. The Clonidine really helped me to not thow up. But the runs were awful and thank god for the immodium. At night I took the Valium to help sleep = the clonidine made me sleepy too.
Another thing that really helped the nervousness is a herbal tea "Nighty Nighty" that has Passionflower in it. Something about Passionflower that helps ease withdrawal symptoms.
The thing that helped me the most was continuely telling myself that if people can endure and survive torture, well then I can endure this, after all I was the torturer!!! I also knew deep in my gut that I wanted and needed to have my self back. I didn't like the person I was turning into. When I took pills I often distanced myself from the most important people in my life. I just wasn't participating in life any longer and I knew that I wanted a life that felt solid and real. Now this may be too much touchy stuff for some but that is where my mindset was and still is today. I am vertical and I love it. Where there is a will there is a way!!!

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