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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Addiction & Recovery Board Index


Jen,
Hi! How are you? Well I hope. I want you to know I e-mailed a doctor on Friday to get an appt for my back... I have been taking step to get better.
I told someone about my addiction in my bible study class. He did not judge me. (At least I don't think he did.) I also posted on the "BACK PROBLEMS" board and the "PAIN MANAGEMENT" board to find out if anyone else has gone through the same thing as myself. See.. I have three problems... 1/ my back pain 2/ my addiction and 3/ my hang up's I still have about my family.
Here's what I posted:

Im in a tough situation. Im a single mother with 2 small children. The orthopeed's are not giving me any answers. I am in a bind because Im in pain all of the time. I have to be happy and healthy for myself and for my kids. It's sometimes hard to smile when my eyes are watering because Im in so much pain. Can anyone help me? Ive heard the patch is good but I don't know what it's called. Here is what's going on:

Body structure- small build, muscular, weight 110
Complaint: Severe lower back pain. Mainly right side si joint area, pain radiates towards upper back, down right leg, and towards the middle of back where L5S1 disc is located.

Date, onset of pain:
April 2001- (6 months pregnant) gained 57 pounds.
October 2001- MRI- showed L5SI disc degeneration, and left side herniation
December 2001- 1st Chiropractic appt, outcome - relief for 5 hours at best
January 2002- Lamanectomy on left side, outcome- no more pain down left side of leg although worsened si joint dysfunction on right side.
March 2002- Continued Chiropractic appts once a week
March 2002- Pool physical therapy
July 2002- Tummy strengthening physical therapy w/excercise balls
August 2002- Started seeing Chiropractor twice a week for the next 2 years (until June 2004) outcome- relief for a couple of hours, max (Chiro said Im always short on my right side a half an inch- my sacrum turns to the left leaving my right leg short which causes all of the nerves to be jammed
August 2002- Disco gram
September 2002- Steroid shot inside of si joint, outcome- relief for 24 hours then back to stabbing pain in si joint
March 2004- MRI- showed continued disc degeneration (doctor's advice- si joint operation has not shown to be beneficial or successful- does not want to do fusion at this time b/c has child 2 yrs old and single mother- does not advise lifting anything heavy for 9 months after fusion)
outcome- back strengthening exercises.
July 2004- Doctor gave Rx for Mackenzie Method, and rental of stem cell electrode device.
Currently- Seeing Chiropractor once a week, outcome- relief for 12-24 hours.

Medications currently taking:
Hydrocodone- 10 mg 4 times a day (every 4 hours)
Soma 350 mg- 2 a day, (morning and night)
Ibuprofen 100 mg- 6 a day (every two hours)
Ambien 10 mg- once at night

I am crying out for help. I have to take a HOT bath every morning just so I can fuction to get ready for work. I have to take 2 Ibuprofen's and 1 Hydrocodone or I cannot even stand up all the way strait in the a.m.'s.
Iv'e tried the ice-packs for 20 minutes and then switching to heat for 15 minutes so that the blood will circulate better. I bought a computer carrier with wheels so that Im not carrying anything heavy. I DO have to pick up my 2 year old, (she's so dad gum cute- how could I resist), I do have to walk up a flight of stairs w/ groceries etc. I get massages every now and then, I do work out; walk on treadmill, sit up's lower back excercises with good posture. As you can see, Im at my wit's end. Picture a single mother doing all these things while raising a 2 yr old, and 7 yr old, working full time at a demanding job where I do have to travel, being the "car pool" everyday, grocery shopping, cooking, doing laundry, going to Church, having slumber parties, attending school outings, entertaning clients. I am a Mother, a daughter, a sister, a best friend, a co- worker, and I used to be an athelete. Im sure If I were not in this horrible pain I would be smiling a lot more. If anyone out there has any answers, suggesstions, advice, comments, name of books, ANYTHING- Please Im needing your help. I notice a change in myself when Im in this much pain. I know my kid's do. It's just not supose to be like this where Doctors are no help at all but have had no problem in taking my money.
:bouncing: DEAR JEN:
As far as me slipping? I had a craving to lose my problems. I don't have the luxury to just "go" to a meeting. I have kids, Im the sole caretaker except for every other weekend.

But, Jen, I do feel SO bad that I did it for two nights, and they were only samples, I don't have anymore and I have not taken anything in two nights...
I feel good again, and just those two little times.. I felt groggy and tired and of course mad at myself the next day.

Like you said an older thread you sent to me... that sticks in my head is "when you were using pills, you never realized how good it could be without them."

You asked me what I was going through to make me want to take those pills again? Well, my ex husband as usual was putting presure on me to do something as a "family" for the 4th. Also and more importantly I was dating a guy with whom I told about my addiction and he is the one who took me to my first meeting or showed me where it was. Well, I had told him I did not want a relationship with him because he has a lot to fix in his life as well. He has not had a job in over 8 months. (I mensioned to him to just get a job anywhere until you can find the "real" job you want and he practically bit my head off.) He went to rehab for himself and has been clean since November. I asked him if we could be friends so that I could work on myself and get well. (I knew I could not handle trying to fix my problems when he was depressed and sad all the time and down about everything because of the no job situation and the battle over alcohol himself.) So.. he promised to help me with no strings attached. He did not keep his promise and he started to put a lot of pressure on me. I was mad at myself for letting him in my life again and knowing that it was impossible to be "just friends" with him after dating him.

I got even more mad at myself when I took those Ambien. They were "samples" I got. I thought I would just keep them in the house for emergencies like not being able to sleep when my back was hurting but we both know that's a joke!

Jen, I promise I will set up an appt with a NEW counselor tomorrow. That will be my promise to you. And that I tell this counselor about my addiction.

This was long! Im sorry- YOU ASKED ! LOL ! I hope you enjoy the rest of the 4th weekend. Im taking the girls swimming right now.

THANK YOU FOR NOT JUDGING ME! Any Advice?





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