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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Well to those of you that know me, i managed to work thru this weekend....the WORST possible weekend to GET straight, BUT I DID IT!!!
Actually it was some sort of divine intervention i think.
Well, Friday we went to the pharmacy at about 7 in the evening and the DOCTOR FORGOT to call my script in!!! Gosh i freaked, the thought of being sick for my daughters party....i tried to call the on call doctor. No reply. So there it began--- because i had made it all day Friday with the thought of getting more. Well me and hubby talked and decided that i had no choice and i should just keep as busy as possible and carry on.
So it was very minor, jello legs, little runs, very crabby on Saturday and teary eyed, but i made it thru. I am not even in that much pain, it is tolerable.
We had to actually shop most of Saturday for food for the party, boy was i dragging butt!!! Sunday was GREAT, i felt a little sick in the a.m. but immodium was helping with the runs and cramping and i did the whole party!!!! She was so surprised and happy, she was thrilled that i planned such a big party for her. My little princess...she had a great day and i was so happy not to be in a pill fog.
I'm not sure if that is it for w/d or not???? I guess today i will find out. Of course today, i can probably get my refill, but i really don't want them freakin things. I feel so much better, thinking so much better, and i weighed myself and freaked out like i always do...i am a cool 83lbs. DISGUSTING!!! I am only 5foot2 thank god, but i need to gain about 30 lbs. Those stupid pills make me not eat, not clean, not do anything but obssess about getting more. Well i may need them in the future for health purposes, but for today i am gonna stay clean. :) Kinda pathetic to be sooooooo proud of yourself for only going a few days w/out drugs, but hey this is what i have let my life become, and i have GOT to make some changes. Pills don't help me after i have been on them for a couple of weeks, i just want to take more and more, and if i don't i walk around w/ a big pout on, obssessing about getting my refill early or wondering if i should "bum' a few from a friend ./..just in case.
My husband, actually hugged me last night and told me how proud he was of me, and was begging me to PLEASE stay this was like a dagger in my heart...what have i become???? What the hell am i doing. o.k. the wrists are VERY sore today. and the tummy is rumbling, i gotta eat. Oh and threw out the weekend when i wanted to take a pill, i took a VITAMIN or drank an ENSURE PLUS...boy that drink alone was a lifesaver...put it on your list of detox meds for those of you interested in quitting.
Gonna do some laundry and get some work done
luv you all

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