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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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Hello Melinda my name is Chris and I am extending my hand of friendship
to you...I care and will listen to the battle you and Sara speak of today...
About 8 years ago while my parents were dying I was prescribed Ambien ( I
had never before taken any type of sleeping pill ,benzo , opiate ,etc..) My
initial dosage was 10 - 20 mg at bedtime to make a long story short I
quickly went up in dosage to anywhere from 50 to 60 mg sometimes more
..not only at bedtime but throughout the day...I then started drinking ( I
never really drank before ) and quickly was washing the ambien down with
at least 12 - 18 beers a day, life was sheer misery ,black-outs , many friendships lost forever , and the destruction of everything I ever
cared about..I did things,said things that I dont, cant even imagine/fathom
doing today...I got off the Ambien and havent taken any since and havent
drank in over a year...but as you both know I am now struggling with another
pharmaceutical addiction.......Sara you asked for one reason NOT to get that
Ambien rx filled ( I have no right really/I am just trying to help ) but I will
give you more than 1 reason : 1. Your Soul Sara ( trust me you will lose your
soul and your faith will falter 2. Your Children Sara ( I could have only wished
to have a mother such as you for having read many posts of yours I have a
great deal of respect for you ) - my mother was a paranoid schitzophrenic
and although through no fault of her own..I became the mother at a very
young age..3. Your Career Sara ( I know you have the financial responsibility
of caring for yourself,your family,your children and I KNOW you will go far
in your career -but Ambien WILL screw that up..4. Sara-for all of us on this board that care so much about you...I will always have an ear open for you
and Melinda and caring heart...Okay that is 4 reasons so far Sara I hope I
didnt offend you in anyway but I have at least 50 more I could give you..
I know Sara you are struggling now and that you have legitimate pain issues
and you are going through PT right now..Please dont beat yourself up about
the tramadol ,hydro , have made great strides towards your
recovery...I know for I have followed your story for a long time before I ever
got the courage to post...Sara because of your posts ,and what a great
job you have done with the break up of your relationship and still working
and still taking care of your children..YOU gave me inspiration to begin my
own road to recovery...I was there once with the Ambien ( and in my case
at least a 12 pack a day ) ...and you can and will kick it !!! I am here for both
you and Melinda...I care and will pray for you both...Please ,Please let me
know if I can ever be of help in anyway...

Peace and Recovery to ALL....Chris
YOU always make me cry on your posts....
I needed those words (((((pretty darn bad))))))! I started having the runs at work- took some Imodium, and have bed drinking a lot of diet coke.
My face broke out too. I wonder If that's a part of w/d's?
Im going to try not to search every nook n cranny in my house tonight looking
for a lost Ambien or Soma I might have dropped in one of my "out of it" moments.

My sister asked me if I wanted her to watch the kids overnight tonight. (she seldoms offers) But I had to turn her down. I know it's wrong to "lean" on the kids, I don't mentally, but just having them there helps me get my mind off those things. We could play Barbies tonight or a board game- maybe checkers!

Anything to get my mind off. (So to speak) lol, lol !

I have a confession. I left work, got my vic's refilled, and bummed two cig's on the way from someone in the parking garage! My pain is really intense.
I have another confession: I did not go to P T at all this week. BUT I have been excercising at swimming at home. And, since I got my pain meds- Im in my work out clothes now... and Im going to do my PT at home AND take the girls swimming tonight. As you know; walking in the pool is SO GOOD for your back.

Im SOOOOOOOOOOOO darn proud of you! Day 4. Ya know what's so funny? Your post last night about your Dad is the reason I will try to never take Ambien again. I mean.. I already know the difference between right and wrong, you just PUSHED it into my brain- where I needed it. I am so grateful you got the courage to post on this board.

It must be hard for you to be in the same house as your ex? No? Yes? She is probably going what the heck? Why is she on the computer so much? LOL

I comend you- Its hard to have a break up and then to live under the same roof. I did that for 2 years w/ my ex husband. I checked out MENTALLY about two years before I filed for divorced and it was like you could cut the tension w/ a knife if we were in the same room 2 gether!


Do you realize how grateful I am???? THANK YOU CHRIS! :angel:

W/ B when you can. I will have to make an emergency breakthough on the boards if I start jones- in really bad for my Ambien!

Lots of Love,

Miranda, (this is to Chris too!)
Im so so sorry if I offended you, I thought you said 10, I was wrong. Please forgive me. Im know nothing about detox either. I just know how I felt after taking a lot and then stopping abruptly.
Im also sorry for making the assumption you make be trying to Escape something. Again, I shouldnt have opened my mouth unless I knew what I was talking about.

Escaping for me is because I have a lot of problems with my ex husband stalking me. He beat up my boyfriend three months ago. He walks around my apt complex. He drives threw my apt complex. He has let the air out of my boyfriend's tires. In another instance he has ripped of his rear windshield wiper, and used something heavy to completly knock of his passenger side rear view mirror. I have started the process of a protective order. I went downtown and waited from 8 am to 2 pm, and they still could not see me they were so busy. Then Ive got the stress of my daughter starting school, and helping her w/homework every night. Then Ive got my job which I need to be 100% at. Then Ive got my back pain, and PT to go to and excercises to do at home. Then Ive got my boyfriend w/whom Ive dated for a year and a half. We break up everyother week. Then I have dinner to cook for all three of us everynight. Then I have laundry to do practically everyday. Then I have to buy them clothes, shoes, haircuts, pay for their tuition which is a grand a month. Then I pay for all my bills by myself. Then I have my ex husband who is a Rx rep giving my Dad, Mom, and Sister free drugs- which they cant afford on their own such as nexium, prilosec, avanta, zomig, diabetes meds, heart meds, migraine meds. - So they want to stay on his good side so no matter how bad he treats me- Im getting sold out for drugs.
How irronic. I saw a therapist about that and she said people have different levels of " nessisaties in there life. Like I think a roof over my head, a car, food on the table, my family needs drugs. If they can't afford it they are going to do whatever it takes to get them" If that means siding with my evil ex husband- so be it. They would choose the drugs over me. I need a place to go for comfort and support- and I can't go to my own family. Thats enough to make you crazy right there. They are also my Adopted family. I met my birth mother when I turned 18. We still keep in touch. She lives in Calif., Im in Houston. She is an angel, and she is comfort to me, but she is not here. I could give you a million instances where my ex husband uses my older daughter as a "go between" to get me back. He really messed up when we were married, he messed up for years. After I filed for divorce and met someone who was really nice- he's been harrassing me ever since. Im going to have to take the day off and just go downtown and sit there all day to file the protective order. I have a notebook I keep of all the things he does- such as leaving my kids in the grocery store while he is outside, he has ran out of gas and left the girls in the car by themselves while he walked to get gas, were talkin a 2 year old and seven year old. If anything were to happen to my girls I would mentally and eventually physically die. They need to be protected from his mental illness. Okay, have I given enough reasons for needing to escape? Life is too short to be having to look over my shoulder all the time.

Im doing so good since I stopped taking Ambien and Soma. My back is hurting really bad though and I contribute that to missing PT all last week. I was worried about my job since I was out for a week- working from home because I have Mono. And I have Mono because Im so run down.

My boyfriend helps anyway he can. He will take them to school for me. Go and get some milk at 9:00 pm because the girls have already gone to bed.
Its not the same though. (as if we were married.) Im not ready to get married right now. I want to get myself strait before I can be at my best for someone else.

I do believe strongly I am on the road to recovery. Im more self sufficent, Im working harder at my job than ever. Im a great Mom. I just need the stress of my ex husband stalking me to stop. I need to get into a women's group to learn how to juggle better all of the things life throws at you when your a single parent. But I dont want to join a woman group where all they do is bash Men. I know theres some bad apples out there, but not all of them.

Sorry this is so long. I wish it was Saturday morning, Im sitting at Starbucks having coffee and there's a nice breeze blowin.
My kids are there and we are getting ready to go swing at the park or go rollerskating.

I need to Escape. It's so tempting for me to just get my Rx refilled. But I don't want to go through w/d again. And Ive come this far.

Write me Chris, I need a friend right now, Im kinda sad.

Miranda, sorry again about assuming your situation was like mine and you might be trying to escape something.

Chris, won't you knock on my door. Really need you right now.
Im starting to cry. I never thought my life would turn out like this.

Sara :rolleyes:
I dont even know where to begin........ Reading all of these stories really makes me think.
I have been taking ambien on and off for about 4 years due to insomnia that comes and goes. When i first started taking them, i thought they were the greatest thing ever. They were the only thing that really helped me sleep. After a few months, i started to break them in half bc i knew that my dr wouldnt refill my rx any longer. At that point i kinda realized it was a problem.
After my dr wouldnt refill the rx i had no choice but to stop taking them... It took a while but eventually i got back into a normal sleeping habit but i always craved them. always!
months later the insomnia kicked back in and i called the drs office again... another dr in the practice wrote out a rx for me... again i went back into this circle. one night i took a pill and about half an hour later my brother had called me.. he left something in my car and was going to come by to get it and asked me to leave teh car unlocked. i couldnt unlock the door from my apt so i went outside in my pj's it the POURING RAIN and unlocked the door.... walking back up the hill i was so out of it and so tired, i laid down in the middle of the road and wanted to go to sleep. it took everything in me to convince myself to get up and go back inside. 40 mins later i went back inside. After that i was like ok i need to stop taking this bc i could have just been killed last night, if i didnt get up. Again my rx ran out and the dr wouldnt refill it. About 2 months ago i went through insomnia again. i called the drs office begging them to give me an rx for it and the dr was very reluctant. i explained that i was going through a hard time and that nothing over the counter would work. she gave me a months worth.... again i went back to breaking them in half so they would last longer.... a few nights ago i broke it in half and dropped half it and couldnt find it... i sat there on my floor crying bc i couldnt find it.
i know i have a problem with these.... its so hard though when you truely have insomnia and nothing else works. i have 4 pills left and i get a knot in my stomach everytime i think of running out. these things are extremely addictive. although i dont have as big of a problem as some people here have with them.. i still know that for me it is a problem. In a few days i will be out of them and that scares me. I have tried numerous times to sleep without them but i just feel so much better taking them. plus as sick as it is.. i liek the way they make me feel after i take them. although i have done and said a lot of things that i dont remember after taking them. i apparently start fights left and right with my ex every night when i take them and say all kinds of off the wall things.
this drug is so addictive and i really truely feel for everyone who has shared their stories on here.... :bouncing:

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