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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Thanks so much everyone...I truly appreciate your support,kindness and
words of wisdom...Okay here is where I am at..I have not yet drank any
beer or taken any hydros or soma...and have stuck to my valium taper mg/today.....When I felt like I was gonna use 2night I took a walk--rather
short tho as I am hurting in my neck and back very bad 2night..however,
I attribute the increased pain to " going thru all that emotional,verbal
abuse " when she left with her parents...however, I am using thermacare
heat patches for the increased pain 2night....I honestly cant believe how
" ugly " this has gotten...I just lost it and called her at her parents house
awhile back and let her know all the phone invoices,western union receipts,
cards,letters,etc I found so far in relation to her " new lover " !!!..I absolutely
cannot/will not look for anything more...I CANT handle it emotionally right
now...the unbelievable length of betrayal ,dishonesty ,using "our" money
for her "new lover "...I am PISSED!!!!.....To top it off she was questioning
me about why I made a phone call last night privately outside so she could
not hear me...I finally just caved and told her the was to NA hotline
for a closed womens meeting tonight at a hospital and I WAS going to ask
her for a ride tonight before I found out she had been cheating on me
for so long...-my first NA meeting would have been tonight and also I
was going to talk to her about my recovery--GLAD I didnt tell her anything!!!
What a witch she has become tonight as I heard the garage door open
and I went out and saw her driving away and she left a 12 pack of bud
in botles for me with a note that said " maybe you need AA instead of
NA...drink it up and forget about me because I have forgotten about you
a long time loved your career more than you ever loved me..."..
So here I sit hoping someone was here tonight on the boards to get me
through the night and help me stay clean and sober...altho I am really
fighting just having one six pack right now.... and she was also so kind to drop off
3 packs of cigarettes on top of the 12 pack with that note...I am now
sitting here drinking a coke jammin to some REM,INXS,BOSTON,INDIGO GIRLS,....I left a message for a good friend of mine to call me ASAP,
and I have the NA hotline # , and well I am really struggling...Banker you
are right and everyone else...I have to get rid of all the hydros,soma,
tramadol,morphine,percocet,flexeril,xanax and just keep the valium for
my taper ( that is my last drug to stop)...Because of my severe cervical
herniation with spinal cord compression and being doctor
has been way too generous with all the rxs...heck i have refills left and
rxs written out by him I havent even filled !!!....Thanks guys for everything..
I dont know how to ever repay you all for all your help ,kindness ,support,etc
except please know I will never forget all your kindness,support,empathy
help,suggestions,etc....I owe you guys BIG TIME !!!

Love U All....Chris

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