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[FONT=Franklin Gothic Medium]It's been a week since I stopped using IV Dilaudid. I found a shrink who prescribes Suboxone and I went in and began induction last Monday. At first, I didn't think it would work, because stupid me was in such pain that I must have made the first two tablets dissolve too quickly and I drank the spit. Sounds gross, but when you're in strong withdrawals, you'd do anything to get a little relief. To make a long story a little shorter, I figured out that you have to let the tablet dissolve slowly. So, the shrink basically thinks that I need 12mg. per day, when I really only need 4 mg./day. I guess my question is, how quickly can I cut down my 4 mgs? Prior to using Dilaudid, I was addicted to coke only,no opiates. Strangely, I don't like heroin. It makes me tired, where as, Dilaudid makes me feel energized. Has anyone else ever experienced that? The only time I ever liked Heroin, was coming down off a coke binge since it let me sleep. Besides that, I hate the taste and buzz of H. Liquid dilaudid though is straight love. I shot 1cc every morning, noon, and night and I felt incredible. I could do anything. I only became scared when I tried to stop, and I started having withdrawals. Coke never gave me ANYTHING like that. I completely understand when William S. Borroughs wrote of "the algebra of need". I hated feeling like I HAD to have dilaudid. Last week was a nightmare, I've never felt that hopeless, scared. The cost of treatment sucked ($750 up front, not covered by insurance) and the Suboxone isn't cheap either ($95 for (45) 8mgs.), but I'd pay that rather than suffer through cold turkey. Being a coke addict, I thought I knew pain when I jonesed for coke; I DIDN'T KNOW ****!! Jonesing for opiates is a living hell in itself. The physical panic when there's nothing left, the dealer's slow walking, and the heroin doesn't quite make it better, now that's suffering. I have total respect for those that have kicked on their own. I'm too weak for that, but I'm hoping to wean myself off the suboxone. For some reason, the shrink wants to keep me on this **** for a year! I'm trying to go drug free, and get my life back, and I feel like he wants me to keep using so that he gets paid. Now he's trying to get me to take this stuff called Seroqual for bi-polar disorder. Which I don't think I have, but the seroqual does help me sleep---the only problem is the next day I feel like I'm wrapped in plastic. He think I've got ADHD, though I doubt he'll give me any amphetamines, since he's convinced I'll crush and shoot them. I know this post is all over the board, sorry. I've been reading through the posts, mostly reading "Bankers" entries----she writes well.

So my questions for anyone who's willing to answer:

Has anyone ever gotten a "speed" buzz from dilaudid? I never feel tired, or noddish on it, but I do on H. What's with that?

Is there anyone out there who's ever stayed clean using Rational Recovery or Smart Recovery? I don't like the idea of NA. I don't want to trade my slavery to drugs for sitting in a room talking about dope. I just want to move on. Is that possible?

Since starting Dilauded, I've stopped using coke. Now that I've stopped dilaudid and switched to Suboxone, do I have to worry about getting my coke jones back? :angel: [/FONT] [SIZE=2]undefined[/SIZE][COLOR=SeaGreen]undefined[/COLOR]





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