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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Picture this: You check into the 32 day rehab- Its a 5 hour drive from your home: beautiful setting: lots of trees, deer walking around all over the place: the hill country. You Detox for 5 days with medical supervision, then you go into "process" where you are assigned a counselor and you talk to them one on one about what has happened in your life. For me it's going to be: My Family never showed me love or affection. I learned how to NOT trust people, to isolate, never fully opening my heart to anyone because I was frightened they would just let me down. I had a herniated and degenerative disk which I was prescribed meds for. I was on them for 3 years before I realized I was an addict. You move to a cabin with someone of the same sex. You are assigned projects, you go to meetings w/ others, you work out everyday, you go to "art" and make jewelrey with beads. You write a "goodbye" letter to the drugs. You go to a "seekers" meeting every morning which they read and practice the book " Purpose Driven Life " Then you invite your family up for a weekend to tell them what you are going through and how they can help with your disease. If they don't show up.... then you sit with your process counselor and they pull out an empty chair in which you pretend they are there and you are talking to them. (My family would not take a 5 hour drive to come see me.) They will make up some excuse.
Then you go to meetings and work on your 12 steps. You go on the top of a hill and you say a prayer. You establish new relationships. I will be away from all the stressses of everyday life to fully concentrate on my disease. It's never cured. Only continuously treated. The scariest part for me is that I will have nothing to fall back on. No more pills. Nothing to deaden the pain I am feeling inside. Then I have to be without my children for 32 days. I am beside myself at leaving them but know in my heart of hearts that leaving them for 32 days and returning a better mother for the rest of my life is the right choice- no matter how difficult.

The worst feeling in the world is taking drugs- which have been prescribed to you, and knowing you have formed an addiction to the drugs. You can't enjoy the drugs anymore, nor can you take them in the amount you started with. Your body forms "tollerance" to the drug.

It's like little kids playing with toys: some kids can play with toys and then put them away, but some kids play too hard, break the toys, or play with them 24 hours a day.

Im a 37 year old mother of two small children, ages 3 and 7. It's time for me to put away the toys.

I had no idea I had a disease- it's "addiction" which most people don't even know what it is or how to treat it- not to mension all of the people who have it and don't know they have it.

I have been crying for the past week strait. At work, and at home, and while Im driving, and anyone who I talk to about my surrender. I called a REHAB, they said I sounded like I need a extensive outpatient treatment. Then I called the local chapter of the Rehab here in town- the girl I talked to said I was taking the same meds she was when she went in treatment, Vicodin, Soma, and Ambien. I told her my situation, full time job, two small kids, single parent, divorced for two years. Sports injury- currently going to Physical Therapy. Ive been taking the meds for 3 Years. Im an addict. I told her what my doctor said about tapering me off the meds after I finished the Physical Therapy. I told her I could not be trusted to taper- I am weak, the problem runs so much deeper then just the pills. She convinced me to go. She said dont stop taking the pills now. Don't worry about going until you are there.
Ive had nightmares about bugs- ants all over my house and little bugs with large, sharp teeth- I think the bugs represent the pills, dirty little pests that are so hard to get rid of.

Lastly- I want to tell you, Chris, Bestfriend, Banker, Godessgrl, Fisherpard, Dallas Alice, BC, Lisahubb, Sammi, Jen, Michelle, Chefob1, Windysan, Rebecca, Christianmom, Twinlynn, Murphy, and Philster: you have been the reason I choose REHAB. I cannot thank enough for saving my life, and the lives of my Children.

I have one request.... That you will pray for the following:

1. That my ex husband will not be spightfull and try and take custody of my kids.

2. That my ex husband will not tell my small children that Mommy is going away and it's my choice to be away from my kids.

3. That when I ask my sister to keep my kids for 32 days- she will understand and give me her blessing and keep them.

4. And that when I talk to human resources next week- they will not treat me any differently, but realize Im trying to do the right thing- and change my life for the better, and really "be there" for my children.

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