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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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I know I have to do it! I have a kazillion reasons why it would be extremely difficult - 89 yr old dad-in-law lives w/us, can't leave him alone all of those days... maybe husband will take vacation time while I'm in detox?

What's kind of weird, and why I feel disconnected from the "drug addict" thing... for many, many years I was psychologically messed up and was in psych inpatients for suicide attempts, eating d/o treatment, post-trauma (incest survivor) treatment... many were in the day when 30 days inpatient was the norm (insurance went along with everything). So I've been thru it all. My last suicide attempt was the "end of an era" (10 yrs ago). They did CPR and even asked my husband if he wanted to donate my organs! That was while I was in therapy for eating disorder and was disgusted with myself and just wanted it to stop!

Since then, I've gotten my life together (again). Started a successful home business and continue to work at a hospital part time (yes, I'm on hydro while working on patients!). I got hooked on the great feeling after the dentist (like so many other people I'm sure).

I've been *DONE* with psycho-babble therapy for a long time now. After all, there's only so many years that one can moan and groan about "oh dear me, my dad was an ***, I was abused, what to do, what to do.." and I'd like to think that I have come a long way. I know that I have. I am stronger, more assertive, and I really have no self-hate in that I want to kill myself to get away from the mess I'm in right now.

It's as if this drug addiction is just an "inconvenience." I know that it's more than that. I know that I still have issues all around - shop too much, eat too little - an "addictive personality" I guess you could say. And I know by saying that, it doesn't make it ok.

My point? I don't want to go thru the whole 'rehab' thing, or meetings. I just want to be UN-addicted. I think I would be fine with that, just to be free of hydro addiction - the physical part, and I know I'd have to keep up with the mental part...

ugh. What a pain in the arse.

Thanks for your suggestions you guys. Still just don't know what I will wind up doing, altho I'm leaning more towards the detox... I don't want to freak out while withdrawing....


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