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My Moment of Truth
Oct 9, 2004
Hi Everyone,

I finally went to the doctor with my husband yesterday regarding my Vicodin addiction. This was after my husband came home the other day to find me crying hysterically and having withdrawals because I had run out and had not been able to get any more. I swear that part of me thought and hoped the doctor was going to write me a prescription for Vicodin and send me on my way, even though I knew that was foolish.

The doctor told me that it's easy to become a drug addict in a short time with this medication and that I had been taking a lot of it. He suggested a slow taper off the Vicodin and gave me Strattera, which he said was a medication that might give me the same stimulating effect the Vicodin did. I have not tried it yet, so I don't know. I asked him about Clonodine, but he told me that it doesn't really work and didn't give me any. He wants to see me back in two weeks.

I was honest with my husband in the parking lot and told him that I wasn't sure if I could taper the medication the way the doctor wanted me to. I told him that it was likely I would also have the desire to look for more. I told him that I wanted to stop in my head for the right reasons, but inside my heart I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to do it. We took separate cars home, and by the time I got home he had already hidden all the Vicodin that I had and has been doling the tapering schedule out to me every day.

I know all this is happening for the right reasons, but part of me feels angry at being treated like a criminal or a little kid. I think I'm just mad that these pills are going to be out of my life and I'm never going to have that good feeling again. I know that Vicodin is a horrible drug that causes horrible addictions, but when I was taking it I felt so normal and functional. I could get so many things done around the house and all my work done and was happy while I was doing it.

I know it sounds sick, but I don't know how I'm going to live my life without it. I know that's not what people want to hear, but I feel I have to be completely honest at this point. That's why I told my husband the truth about how I was feeling. Both of us were sick of the lies and deceit that comes from taking these pills. I was getting them and trying to sneak them into the house and not let my husband know how much money I was spending, but then he would eventually find out anyway. He was getting fed up with all the lies, and lying is not something I did before Vicodin came into my life.

I would appreciate any and all support I can get while I have to go through this process. I know there's no turning back for me now, and I would love to have some hands to hold as I walk through this fire. You all have been so good to me here when I was coming to terms with being an addict and urging me to seek help. Please help me now through the hardest part. Thanks.

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