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Vicodin Addicition
Oct 11, 2004
Hello everyone. Im 18 yrs old and im 4 days clean off vicodin. I went through this before a little less than a year ago. At that time i was using vicodin for over a year everyday taking around 10+ 10mg vics a day. A $50 a day habit which was hard to mantain but somehow i managed. Eventually I decided it was time to come clean with my parents and try to get help. I was sent to an inpatient rehab center for 28 days and went through hell for the first couple of weeks, but came out feeling really good by the 28th day. My parents were extremely supportive and learned as much as they could about addiction by going to meetings and talking to people. By the time i got home I was feeling very confident with myself for have accomplishing something I never ever thought was a possibility. I attended na meetings every day for about 60 days and then slowed down until i eventually stopped going because I felt it was no longer helping me and against everything I learned in rahab I thought I was cured. Well several months later and after gaining all of my parents trust back and buying a new car I was feeling very very good. I got cravings now and then but I was pretty dead focused on staying clean. Its hard to rmemeber what happened but i relapsed oneday with marijuana and then several weeks later with vicodin. When the vicodin wore off I felt completely fine and I had a false sence of security, feeling as though I am not addicted anymore and I can take my favorite drug every now and then. As everybody guessed, the occasional use worked well for several weeks as planned but before i even had time to realize what i was doing I couldnt go a day without then once again. Just something I noticed happening was the more I started taking the vicodin the more and more pleasuarable it became to me. Well anyway its been about 5 or 6 months of daily use of about 3 to 7 10mg vic's a day, not nearly as many a day or as long as i used last time or compared to other people but I still NEEDED them everyday. This time I started selling marijuana to support my habit because I didnt want to steal money or hurt my family like I did last time. I came clean with my parents again and I just want to end this for good, Im only 18 yrs old I dont want to have to deal with this **** the rest of my life, being clean and relapsing and doing it over and over. I dont want to loose my parents trust for good and have them think nomatter how good I may do Ill always go back. My parents are very good to me and after the initial lashing out at me and venting they always want to try and do everything in their power to help. This time i am doing it at home and although the phsyical discomfort isnt nearly as bad as it was last time it still is there, and the mental discomfort is as worse as last time. I hate the way everything looks, I hate the way everything feels. I just cant live in the moment its very frustrating. I wanted to try and get out a littlebit today and Its hard to look people in the eye, I get panic attacks in stores, Im scared death to answer the phone, im very depressed, etc. These are all things totally opposite of my vic'ed up self who is calm, collected, and emotionally stable. When im on vics anxiety and depression seems like something I could never experience, and getting through every day is extremely enjoyable and pleasurable nomatter howmuch work I may have or what it is I may be doing, I am never self consious on vics and I just feel myself. Although im only 3 days clean I must say I am doing very very well, and things seem like they are already starting to get a little better. Definatly not the same as getting out of a hot shower after popping a couple of blueguys but I feel like its a little bearable. Those scorching hot vic showers are something I really really miss. I always took my vics right before a hot shower when i could. Right now, during the day seems to be the easiest, the nights and the mornings seem to be the hardest. Im having drug dreams constantly. Im trying to rmemeber those good days I had when I was clean the last time and just try to tell myself Ill feel like that eventually again. I take plenty of vitamins every morning along with amino acids, 5-htp, valerian root, dlpa, and every morning I take 2 tablespoons of cough medicine and it all seems to be working well. During the day I watch as much tv as I can because that seems to be the only thing that can keep my focus for a long period of time. I am so young I dont want to be an addict. By my looks nobody could ever tell I was addicted to something, im a really nice clean good looking boy, extremely polite and sensitive. I dont want to see my family hurt over and over and I dont want to keep hurting myself. I dont know what it is about opiates but there presence takes up a big space in my head. Right now Im trying to just read some other experiences and although it seems like I will never feel right again I have to just rmemeber last time. Anyway I dont know why I wrote somuch but it kind of made me feel a little better. :jester:
-Steve





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