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[QUOTE=Twinlynn]Hi, Ggrl, et al! :p

So nice to hear ya reporting in! And such great news about your therapist--I am terrible about getting used to new people and situations--so I know how your imagination must have run rampant before you actually [I]met [/I] this new woman! :D

Your son sounds wonderful--and I just cannot say enough about a boy who knows to buy his mother a coffeemaker!! LOL!! Some of my happiest times and best conversations have take place around a coffee urn, with friends and family!!

When I read your and Kimbee's life-saving testimony to Suboxone, all I can think is "why do doctor's want you off the stuff so quickly??" :confused: I am guessing it may be because they are unsure of long-term effects? (When I was one of the first Prozac patients, there was a lot of alarm about that...but about 15 years later, I'm still "a-ticking"!!)

Whatever the doctors are speculating, I feel very strongly that if we are just beginning to gather our emotional strength, and make good changes in our life--after years of misery--than that is NOT the time to yank the carpet out from under us. It's one thing if a patient specifically asks to taper off Sub....but for the doctors to be so cautious that they do not wait out the benefits of the drug just does not make sense to me. (As you can guess, I'm not the sort of person who says "my body is a temple...nothing unnatural shall pass my lips!" LOLOL!) :D (Quite honestly, I think if our bodies were such "temples" to begin with, we would not see so many children born with such agonizing, disabilities. But...I'll hold off on my philosophical thoughts, here! :-) The point is that I think that some of our bodies [I]need [/I] extra help thru medications...even if we were at times the ones to precipitate the need. I don't think we should punish ourselves, if there is something that helps.

I feel really bad for you and Kimbee, etc, for not being able to choose when you are ready to stop the Sub. I believe that choices like that should be made by adults. I persevered with the Prozac for all these years...and it has continued to control my formerly "out of control" OCD--which is why I was started on it. (I take it along with Wellbutrin.) It saved my life without a doubt. And I am looking forward to the Suboxone helping to do the same. At this "later" stage of my life, I'm not going to debate any long whether or not I was "weak" and without will at certain points. I was!! But now I want to do better. And if there's a way to help me do it, I want to be able to choose it.

So, guys....I just want to support you in your desire to want to feel certain that you are ready before you have to turn away from the source of your help. And I hope your doctors see the total sense of that! :-) I can hear, in both your posts, that you may need that support longer (as I'm certain that I will)!

RE. the weight gain. I initially gained a lot of weight when I began to take antidepressants--but that was because I was wanting to eat more--and I did! So, I gained weight! I had to go on a long, slow diet to lose it...but it did come off when I went back to my old eating habits. Is Suboxone different from this? Can your body gain weight if you're eating the same things as before? Even with the changes in our metabolism (I was so skinny years ago), that would not seem to account for large weight gains, if our eating habits stay the same. Did anything in your eating change, when you began the Sub? Believe me, I am not vain enough that I won't take a wonder medication like Sub. for weight gain fears....but it sure wouldn't make me dance for joy!!! I'm finally back to thin again. It would be such a pain to have to fight that old battle again!! :eek: LOL!

Well...just wanted to send some love and support your way on this gloomy, rainy Friday! (I kinda like rain...but don't tell anyone, or they'll think I'm more nuts than I already seem!!)

By the way--so, you are a "hidden" artist as well? I used to do so much more drawing than I do now....but sitting at home with this injury for so long, really let me unwind enough to get me back into it! As is so typical of me, I got so carried away that I "replenished" my old art supplies by practically clearing out the entire art shop near me! LOL! You'd think I was Van Gogh if I gave you a tour of the "studio" (aka: the dining table!!!!) But, in fact, I mostly stare at all the brushes, the markers, the pens, the pencils, the pastels, the watercolors, the art pads and the various sets of blank cards to "make-your-own-greeting-card"..etc, etc. It takes me so long to actually sit down and DO IT!! I keep thinking about it...what I should draw...in which media...on what size paper....LOLOL!! :rolleyes:

And...on that note...I think I shall take my morning "stare" of the supplies, right now. And then drag Celeste out from under the bed for her morning medications. "C'mon, Celeste, Mummy has a surprise for you!!!" :D

love to all, Lynn xxxx[/QUOTE]
Twinlynn, Hi, I just wanted to let ya know that my doctor is in no hurry to stop my treatment, It just kinda came up in conversation about how long I wanted to stay on it. I then said, I would some day soon try and just see what happens, ya know to see how strong I really am. He also said in any time I thought I wanted back on, it would be no problem. One of my biggest problems is I have to drive out of state to see the doctor, and that is really getting old. I have been on the suboxoxne for 15 months now and that drive is wearing me out, not to mention having to take off work. But like I said I would do it for the rest of my life if I had to, just to stay clean! That means so much to me. I sometimes look back and remember those bad days and shudder to think about the things I did for pills, ugh! So are you considering going the sub route? I think you will be pleasantly suprised at how well it works, especially for depression. This is the only drug that has help my depression, and believe me I have tried them all. And to answer about the weight gain thing, what I noticed was the cravings for sweets, they were so strong! I could eat a half gallon of icecream in a day, no problem! I have been taking a diet pill and seem to be back at my normal weight, so that makes my happy! Have you talked to a sub doctor yet? I wish you all the best and I cant wait to see how well you do on it. Any date set yet? Please keep us informed, I havent been on the boards for a while but I am going to try and check in more often. I will be getting a differant computer on the 17 so I may have a new screen name, I hope you guys will figure out who I am, as I am switching providers as well. Talk to ya soon, and good luck towards your way!!
Dallas Alice, Lisa!! (And where is Banker??) Welcome Back, guys! We can thank Goddessgirl for starting this thread and hauling us all back on board! :wave:

I think I agree with Dallas A....that when suddenly all the new (and very welcome) posters start introducing themselves and their struggles, etc., it can be overwhelming just trying to [I]read[/I] all the new information...and sometimes almost impossible to sit down and write the understanding and "connective" letter they deserve." (It is one thing to answer a poster's question with some short, good advice...but another thing to write a "first-timer" with an empathetic and thought-out message that says "I know what you're going through....and I'm here for you....and you don't have to feel alone in your struggle." That may seem an easy thing to write....but....when you multiply the emotional output you feel for each poster....by the number of new posters per day...that's a LOT of heartbreak for one person to commit to.

So...to keep ourselves from a kind of "emotional overload" (not to mention the time limits on each of our livess!)....we all tend to read through and focus-in on those with similar problems we can both identify with--and feel most able to help. We all "connect" for so many difference reasons (that often have [I]nothing [/I] to do with one another's lifestyles; ie, "mother vs. non-mother" or "North vs. South" (!! LOL!), etc, etc.) Basically, we are really just choosing how many "souls" we can hope to realistically nourish!!! :angel:

Of course, this doesn't mean that I don't answer many, many other posters. But, I think, Dallas Alice, that the reasons above may help us deal with why we feel so squeamishly "cliquey" at times....when we feel unable to invest more emotion than we already are. (And thus ends "The Philosophy of Board Cliques 101"!!! :D

(And having said all that....I miss our "old group", too...and hope we stay resurrected!)

What does your doctor say, Dallas A., about the changes you are experiencing with the methadone? Does he think the emotional problems you are feeling at the moment can influence how the drug works? Do you have that illness "Sad" (I think it's called), where sufferers go into clinical depressions every year, when the sun is weakest--and shortest--in the winter sky. I knew of someone who experienced it--tho I'm not sure how it was treated.

With the memories of your brother, your (expletive deleted!!) ex-boyfriend, etc, these are real difficulties you're having to deal with. And--please excuse me--all you seasonal holiday lovers--but--I've come to believe that the entire "joyous season"--of Thanksgiving right through New Years--was a plot perpetrated by Scrooge, himself--to ensure total misery for those of who spend much of those months remembering how those holidays USED to be!! (Thanks to now-deceased family, or family feuds, or separation and divorce, wars, etc.) For about 6 weeks, we are expected to be "top 'o the world" (not to mention depleting our wallets as fast as we can get our Mastercards out). If ever a period of time was produced to specifically call on so many of us to compare ourselves to the few out there who actually DO celebrate a Hallmark Holiday each year--then, this it IT!! LOL! :D I know, I know...I'm a cynic!! But this time of year DOES remind me of lost family. And I DO enter into what feels like a Satanic contract with my hated bank to "afford" the holiday spirit!

(I have to share this funny story re. the holidays! Some years ago, my friend originally from New Orleans, who fights manic depression, suicidal thoughts, a dysfunctional family history that [I]defines[/I] the word "dysfunctional"--but, also posseses the world's most hilarious sense of humor--was over at my sister apt. It was late October--and thinking of how miserable the holidays always were for this friend--I said something like "oh, I know how depressing this time of the year always is for you. All that "family" stuff, etc, etc." and, after a pause of about 5 seconds, my friend turned to me and said "Yeahhhh......Halloween is [I]alway[/I]s a toughie for me.") :jester:

Anyway, in truth, I DO love snow, Christmas trees, sparkly lights, the beautiful NY department store windows....and holiday dinenrs with my best pal....so I don't want to sound like a REAL Scrooge! LOL! I just kinda find the forced "joy no matter WHAT" of the season a little off-putting at times!!!

Anyway, Dallas A.--I do hope you've discussed the breakthru withdrawal with your nice methadone doctor. That's important! You've done so well and it may just be a matter of a small dosage change. And, THEN...as soon as you feel better...you just hop into your car and you get yourself over to your nearest shopping center...and you just buy, buy, buy! Treat yourself (and loved ones) to everything that makes you smile!

As for your boyfriend.....ugh! Gets me mad the way your ex talks of stuff like traveling as if you WANTED to stay home. Did he ever try to truly understand addiction? I never even told my husband (separated for almost 3 years) about mine....but you can sure it would have been seen thru how it affected HIM, not me. Which is why I never told him. It would have been a "character flaw" to him, if I couldn't "just say no"!!! (Okay, okay...I do have SOME pity for him. But not much! LOL!) He was pretty darn caught up in himself.

Lisa, I wish a magic wand could just be waved over your marriage. I hear that sadddness you feel. One of the hardest things for me to accept in my marriage, was that I never felt...I guess "cherished" is the right word. That had disappeared so long ago....and just [I]looking[/I] at other couples together, say at Christmas, choosing their tree from the street vendor from Maine...or walking down the block, each supporting one end of the tree and excitedly heading home...was enough to make me have to shove back that old "eye rain."

I could never entertain 25 people!! I salute you! :-) Up until she died, a few years ago at 96, our aunt cooked and held our family Thanksgiving--a tradition that went on for 46 years!!! It was only THAT thanksgiving--she died just before the holiday--that we'd FINALLY all agreed to have the holiday at a pretty restaurant near-by my apt. My aunt had said "Okay! I want a vacation from Thanksgiving!" LOLOL!! (And none of us knew how to cook! So...she said..."pick a pretty place and we'll have our feast THERE!" She would have liked the place we chose! :-)

My sympathies on your teeth....but at least you have got them done with! I have many great times to look forward to, when I get on the Sub...and turn my attention to these teeth!!! :eek: Like you, I will need tons of work. So I sympathize with what you've gone through. Having even one gum treatment 5 years ago, left me hding from my dentist--no matter HOW many times he phoned and left me messages at home. LOL!

Well, have a good Sunday everyone. Today will be a boring "summer to winter drawer sorting day"!! Ugh. tty soon, love, Lynn





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