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Re: I failed
Dec 19, 2004
C-Mom - (Still my favorite Triplet!)

I have only five minutes to write this before I have to go, but PLEASE know that nothing you ever do will make you a failure in my eyes. NOTHING!! There is nothing in the world more devastating than this black depression you suffer....and while you are sucked in by it, nothing can take precedence over the need to escape the sheer hell of it. I understand so well how frantic you were..and why you had to stop the Sub.

Please listen to the wonderful suggestions you've just had above...and evaluate them all (from rehab, to Methadone, to another try with the Sub with another doctor, to tapering, etc, etc.) Every suggestion will be an answer for SOMEONE reading this Board...because we are all so unique in what works for us. In the end, it's what works for you! What you can manage. Unfortunately, you will encounter some depression in whatever method you choose...that's unavoidable. But the way your doctor had you taking the Sub, was just throwing you into unchartered waters and letting you sink. You needed supervision for this Sub so badly. I hate your doctor for putting you through that and taking what should have been an assistance in making you well--and turning it into a symbol of despair. You need guidance with the Sub, so badly.

So...C-Mom....let yourself just relax right now...and just think carefully of your many choices. Whatever you do decide, I agree that a situation where you are away from the children will give you the time you need to think things through.

Lots more to say, but no time to say it now. Just know that I love you every bit as much as I did before. All I want is for you to find peace of whichever way is kindest to your body and soul!

Hope this quick note is coherent!!

love ya, xxxx Lynn :-)

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