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Hey, sorry to hear about this mess of a situation. Let me preface this by saying that I'm not in NA/AA, so if you'd like to stop reading now, go ahead.

I found a bunch of stuff in your post very interesting, let me break it down:

[I]"But I accepted it and was understanding. I've accepted him for who he is, when most people in society would be scared away."[/I]

VS.

[I]"I think he needs to have [B]something wrong with him [/B] because he can then think he's more inportant than everyone else."[/I]

-----It doesn't seem like you've accepted him for who he is, it seems like you're (rightfully) pissed off at who he is or who he claims to be.

"this kid may be using his so-called addiction as an excuse to get sympathy and people to think he's courageous."

-----This seems like it's definately possible, although there are many plausible explanations for it. Firstly, he might have actually had a serious drug problem, and getting sympathy and acting courageous is what helps him to maintain his sobriety (although I BELIEVE that NA teaches against the ego, and instead suggests that people be humble and turn to a "higher power" to help them through addiction). On the other hand, maybe he has an innate desire for attention and approval, and the addiction is just one way he can satisfy it.

"[He] has said to me that one time when I laughed a what a guy said (when we weren't even going out) that he was so angry at me that he wanted to kill me, literally kill me"

-----Clearly this man is melodramatic and unpredictable (and sounds even dangerous). Don't assume that this is the fault of NA or even his drug use/abuse history. It may be a maladaptive personality trait that he's always had.

"[A] month later he told me that he finds almost any girl attractive and that he wants to have sex with them and thinks about it."

-----It seems like this man tried to appear unattractive/impolite to you. Maybe he wanted to push you away, I wouldn't know. You said later than he admitted he was exaggerating, so I wonder what his motivation was for doing this. He definately seems to have an unnaturally high need for attention, be it negative or positive.

"And how can someone in active addiction pass a drug test?"

-----You mentioned that he used cocaine and marijuana. I know that cocaine has a relatively short half-life, so it's possible that he just stopped for a few days before the test (although I don't think someone who's deeply addicted to coke could just stop on a dime like that). Marijuana, on the other hand, stays in the body much longer. Really, the only person who knows what happened there is him, but it's not a good idea to ask him about it. Lastly, in THEORY he COULD HAVE created false results for the test in a number of illegal ways.

"I have told him the problems and also stated that I do not want him to try and change, only that I want him to know how I feel. And he has admitted that he does all these things and that he is lucky to have someone like me."

------Clearly, though, you DID want him to change (as any rational human would!) He even admitted that he was lucky to have you, so he's not completely unaware of his (many) shortcomings.

Overall, no one can really tell you whether or not he was a "true" drug addict. Some questions that would make this answer more attainable are: What drugs did he use (anything other than the coke and weed?)/ How long did he use for?/ Had he ever tried to quit prior to the beginning of the year-long sobriety?/ How much was he using? What (if any) problems did he experience DIRECTLY due to his substance (ab)use? (Social problems, work problems, family problems, self-maintenance problems, depression, anxiety...any loss of functioning on any level in any area of life really), etc.

Furthermore, it is damn near impossible to accept (as you've described) an impolite, attention-seeking, melodramatic, selfish, verbally abusive fraud. Though I'm sure there's way more to his story than what you've covered, don't say you accepted him, because you didn't. Also, he told you candidly that he wasn't ready for a relationship, and from the looks of it, I'd say he was right. As far as not treating you like a friend, it seems like he has serious interpersonal relationship issues, REGARDLESS of his (pseudo) drug addiction.

However, I find it odd that you'd stay with him for such a long time when he's acting unbelievably selfishly and threatening your life. Would you consider the possibility that you have a bit of a savior-complex? I don't mean to judge, but if I met someone like that, I'd be out of there faster than a fat kid in dodgeball. Just my two cents, I'm sure someone from NA will clarify your NA-related questions for you. However, with reasonable confidence I can say that it would be irrational and inaccurate to believe that NA was the sole cause for his behavior. It sounds like you're very frustrated right now, so give yourself some alone time.





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