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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Addiction & Recovery Board Index


Hello, i have made some posts from time to time. I am really in a hole right now. For now, I'm gonna save the pitty party for later. I am completly screwd up. I am spending all my money on OXYs or perc 10 mgs. I am at about $400 a week. I try to think of things all the time to justify my actions. Just the other day, I began thinking about suicide. I wonder what it would be like. I know it is the easy way out but today **** is real bad. Today I was ripped off by this one girl who i had never met before.This is not the first time i have been ripped off either, just the first by her. She stole $200 bones from me. I had never met this girl before and since she was pretty i guess i was dumb enough to trust her. I cant believe these people, who do they think they are. Do they think that they are invincible. I am so pissed, and i dont know what i am gonna do to her once i find out where she lives. I turn her *** in so she gets busted. After i got ripped i went to my regular dealer and had to buy her something from my credit card to cover the pills i needed. These things keep happening, i want to quit. I have tried suboxone, and it works despite the disgusting taste of the pill. The problem is, I feel ok which i guess is good but i cant relax ever, i feel like i have all this energy and i am a type of person that will definetally do what i have to but i really like to be relaxed even when i am working out :angel: . I work, I am in a masters program and i workout. I also am going through a brutal break up with my girl, someone i love very much but she has lost interest or something in me. SHe had an abortion about a year ago and i think it really ********** her up. The pills help me out so much. I dont fear anything. I could do anything i have to becasue i dont think about any ramifications for anything i do when im high. I think about ways to take my self out in wchich it would be easy and not hurt. I just need someone to help me out. I went to a social worker and that was a big *****in waste of my money. I have been told the same **** by my friends. I dont have time for in patient therapy. I wish i did though. I have a great life with most things pointing in the right direction except the skelatons in the closet. Help me someone. Please give me some good advise. I cant stand that these horrible thoughts keep overtaking my brain.





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