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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


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Gangstar...........I feel as though I need to clarify my post.........anyone who has paid the smallest attention to anything I've said probably thinks I'm off the edge on my medication. So bear with me for a moment......(and I do hate saying this, sounds like an excuse) I do have a chronic pain issue, but when I started I was like alot of us( and the "us" don't really know where I fit in). I need them(depend) for any quality, okay mild exaggeration for a quality of life that makes me get up and do things, enjoy my family and not fear answering the door when the bell rings exposing me to unwelcome company who thru no fault of their own just happened to stop by at a time I had no meds yet I [U]DO NOT[/U] have enough control over them to take them as I should. Therefore running out waaaay too early. My early beginnings were plain old hardcore addict..... doctor shopping,paying friends, when I found a soft touch, to go see a Dr for scrirts of Lortab and xanax. I spent several years doing that after a couple of MVAs and several surgeries later minor pain issues grew up and tuned into something that I had daily. Learn to live with it they would tell me when they couldn't figure out the cause.........I don't think so, just as soon join so my loved ones in the afterlife, and thats not a poor pitiful me statement......... I'm serious, I've seen times I'd much rather not be here. I have no desire to stop but then I read on here of the others that have pain issues as well, quite possibly worse than mine and they are willing, better yet have a strong desire to stop and I have to ask if I'm that big a wimp. Maybe I should have stayed on the pain management board but I keep coming back here......WHY ..to offer someone a word of encouragement that might help in their wish to stop or to make someone realize that it just might be necessary to continue taking them and to not feel so guilty? Don't know ain't figured that one one out, but when someone blames the medications it does bother me......no one has twisted their arm. Now the Dr issue , yes I think they are overprescribed but again no one forces you to take that pill. Imagine a pain that will not let up one that is so intense that you cannot hardly bear it and going to see a Dr who looks at you with that false sense of compassion and hands you a script for Celebrex, Bextra any of the anti-inflammatories like he is doing you a favor. If I haven't tried everyone of them its thru no fault of them trying, there are just some types of pain that do not respond to anything but narcotics. Believe me if they would find something that wasn't as dangerous as the opioids I'd be more than happy to take them..........but the anti-inflammatories won't touch some types of pain and even if they did hell they're killing off people right and left
Sorry I get so wrapped up in this stuff and just bounce around and miss the point I'm trying to make. I've been on both sides of the fence, a big ABUSER lieing to whoever it took to get my pills, and a person in pain just praying that this Dr won't give me that look and send me away with a useless script and his best wishes so I have suffered from my own deceitfulness from my years of chasing that illusive high so hard, lets say impossible to ever attain again. And as all of us(addicts) know it's so much easier to blame anything, anything at all so we don't have to accept the blame ourselves, and I do emphathize with people who get caught up in it and become addicted. I'm not insensitive to the addicts dilemna(sp)I have been there, but I'd rather have them and not need them as to need them and not have them
I have to apologize for this RANT.......and I realize you weren't really faulting the pills I've made the same remark sooo many times, just needed to uncork on something if my husband only knew he would thank you so much for letting me take it out here and not on him.
My very best to you in your search for an escape of these things that have such a hold on us, and I will pray that you find peace in this crazy life we have fallen into
Marilyn





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