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Hello everyone and thank you for the warm welcome and kind words.

Kim (Wannabeclean), congratulations on taking the first step by getting off the pills and onto the Suboxone, you are more than half way there!! Iím very happy you found inspiration in my story. Like I said in my original post, I found great comfort and inspiration by reading everyone elseís triumphant stories. The reason I wrote such a long post and told of my history and relationship with drugs (aside from it being therapeutic for me) was I wanted people who read it to be able to maybe relate to it in some way. I wanted to portray that I am just like everyone else here, all of our stories may vary but in the big picture they are all quite similar. We all started taking our drug of choice either for medical reasons or recreational reasons, we all became dependent on them and now we are all looking for the courage and strength to stop the evil cycle of abusing these drugs.

I absolutely hate to say this to you but when the time comes that you stop taking the Suboxone it, unfortunately is going to hurt mentally and physically. The physical part is not that bad. Itís very uncomfortable but I would imagine that sometime in your life youíve either had a bad fever or flu or some other type of physical pain that was worse than what youíll go through detoxing from this, I promise you that. The mental part for me like I said was/is not the fact that I wanted pills to make myself feel better again but I was an emotional rollercoaster. I would feel alright for a while then I would start crying for no real reason. For the first few days of my Bupe detox I locked myself in my room took small amounts of Xanax, made myself as comfortable as possible and listened to soothing music, this made the detox a little more bearable. To try to make you maybe understand the way I felt a little bit better; my girlfriend described my behavior as a woman going through PMS. Of course she said this to me in a joking way to try to make me laugh but it made sense. Now of course I have absolutely no idea what PMS is like but I have witnessed the stereotypical behavior associated with PMS from the women in my life. One minute I was irritable and snapping at everyone around me, the next minute I was crying watching a commercial for bleach. Obviously I can only speak of my own experience; you may get the same type of symptoms as me you may not, but either way you WILL get through it!!!

I know I keep saying how I havenít had the urge to start taking pills again, let me explain why I say this. For a few months before I quit I was taking upwards of 8 10mg Vicís at a time all day long. At this level all the pills that I was using were basically keeping me from getting sick and making me very irritable. I stopped getting that warm fuzzy and euphoric feeling we all know and love a long time ago. Another thing that that helped me to not want that high was the Buprenex. Buprenex or any form of Buprenorphine for that matter does not get you high!! It made me feelÖIíll use the word ďalteredĒ at first but not high and certainly not euphoric. This is one reason why I would recommend people to use Bupe if you canít wean or go cold turkey. While youíre on Bupe it gives you a chance to remember what it feels like to live and not get high. So as I sit here and think about it in a realistic way, why would I want to take pills again? Itís been so long since they gave me the feeling that I loved so much that I almost canít remember what that feeling feels like. Iím at the point now where I have a hatred for those pills for putting me through this (oh wait, I put myself through this!!). Again, this is how I feel. I know a lot of people havenít gotten to the point YET where the pills arenít getting them high; theyíre trying to stop now before they get out of control. Thatís GREAT and very commendable but I know my point does not apply to those people. If I was still getting the feeling I wanted from those opioids Iíd probably still be on them but I had to hit ROCK BOTTOM for me to want to stop. My only fear now is that someday (maybe months, maybe years from now) I forget the pain I went through to get to this point and I go back to them. This is an issue ALL of us as addicts have to think about.

Denster, thank you and congratulations to you for making steps in the right direction!! To answer your question yes there is pain relief with Buprenex (my prescribing doctor actually said to me if anyone asks you why you use this tell them you use it for chronic back painÖIíll elaborate on this doctor a little more in a minute). From what Iíve read (The information may be wrong) Buprenex was originally used as an antidepressant and later as a medication for chronic pain sufferers. In MY opinion if youíve had the will power to taper down (something I could not have done, so I applaud you) donít use any other medications to come off. Wait until youíre done with your taper and are mentally prepared and just stop. Like I said above you are unfortunately going to go through withdrawal no matter what you to do come off. Weather you go cold turkey, taper, use Bupe or use Methadone you WILL go through withdrawal. For you to start Bupe now would just lengthen the time until your inevitable withdrawal. To answer your question concerning withdrawal from Bupe vs. full antagonistísÖWhen I stopped taking Buprenex a couple of weeks ago one of my good friends went cold turkey from a 6 pill a day habit (heís been taking pills for years) on the same day as me. At the time I was unaware he was going to stop also. I talked to him a few days after he had stopped and he was in pretty bad shape. To compare his cold turkey detox to my Buprenex detox I would say his detox was more painful both physically and mentally (from how he described it) but shorter in duration than mine. He told me he had taken the week off from work, locked the doors, turned off all the phones and just went for it. Itís really a toss up, acute withdrawal symptoms can either be intense with a shorter duration =ct,taper 3-5 days or more subtle with a longer duration=Bupe 7-12 days (again Iím talking acute symptoms) I still donít feel perfect and from a lot of what Iíve read that takes months. My friend was definitely feeling better way before meÖIf there are any other questions you have Iíd be happy to try to answer them for you.

Marich101, Thank you for the welcome and well wishes!! From what Iíve read Buprenorphine is the active drug in Buprenex, Suboxone and Subutex. The differences are: Buprenex is injectible Buprenorphine, Subutex is Buprenorphine in pill form and Suboxone is Buprenorphine with Naloxone in pill form. In response to what you said about being shocked that the doctor would prescribe me injectiblesÖI am too. When my friend had first had told me about this doctor I was skeptical but I was assured he was legitimate. I came to find out that the doctor was a board certified psychiatrist but he was more concerned about the $300 I gave him for the visit than my well being. The visit went like this; I walked in and sat down. He asked me what I was taking and how much. The whole time scribbling on his pad, then he got up gave me a dose schedule, a script for Buprenex, Soma, and Xanax and said have a nice day. I havenít heard from him since. The only other question he asked was if I knew how to inject myself, I told him I had done steroids when I was younger so I was comfortable with it and he accepted that answer. I went to see this doctor in New York City, Iím sure anyone would be able to find doctors like this in all the big cities if they searched hard enough.

Mike and Lisa, Iíd like to thank both of you for your kind words and congratulations to both of you for getting clean, GREAT JOB!!!! Mike, I know what you mean about the Xanax and sleeping. I donít take the Xanax everyday but the days that Iím up until 5 a.m. because I canít sleep or the days where I have panic attacks I feel I have no choice but to take it. Sometimes instead of Xanax Iíll take either Kava Kava or Valerian. For anyone who doesnít know they are both herbs that are non-addictive and they help pretty good with stress and anxiety. Lisa, I feel for you! The anxiety I have is starting to scare me a little. I have never been like this before, Iím hoping like you are that time will wash this all away, good luck to you!!

Thanks again everyone, sorry for another long winded post, I must admit though the more I write and think about this the more it helps!! Stay strong everyone!! -Bobby :wave:





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