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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

I am new to this website but am hoping for some help. I'll try to make this as short as possible.
3 years ago I had surgery. Due to complications I had chronic pain. Started out with regular strength vicodin/hydrocodone. Was taking maybe one a day. Slowly built up tolerance and was eventually taking 2 Vicodine ES a day and a Vicodine HP at night. This went on for 2 1/2 years. Liked the high so even if I wasn't in pain I would still take the pills. after 2 1/2 years I had another surgery which took care of my pain. None of my doctors offered any help with addiction, nor did they even address it with me. I found I was able to get the HP without a prescription ( don't ask cause I'm not proud of it ) so I didn't address it either cause it wasn't a concern of mine at that point. About a month ago I was doing up to 8 a day. 4 in the am and 4 in the pm. About 1 1/2 weeks ago I cut back to 3 a day every morning. Started getting the sweats, achy legs. Today I cut back again to just 2 1/2 this morning. I am having a lot of anxiety, but nothing I can't handle at this point anyway.
My husband has no idea I have been taking these since my last surgery. Even though he would be very supportive, I don't want to tell him cause he works out of state and it would be about impossible for him to be home with me. I don't want him feeling guilty because of something I have done to myself. I can't go into a rehab because of how he works and the responsibilities I have here at home. I am afraid/embarrassed to talk to my doctor about getting help but I MIGHT feel OK talking to his nurse practioner. I'm just wondering, or maybe I should say scared that she will turn me in or something. I'm not sure if I can do this alone or not, or if talking to this nurse would be the best route to go?? I have no friends that I can confide in either. I really need some guidence here.

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