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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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Hi, Pillz,

Welcome to the Board. Like Goddess and others here, the Subutex has been my tool to help me back from the black word of addiction to a point where I am, once again, able to remember just what "normal" in "sitting on the grass, taking in the delicious smell of a new mown lawn"....or "waking up happy...just because it's a blizzard day--and I love blizzards!" :D Without repeating everything that Goddess has said--since she and I and others are in complete accord with one another on our feelings about the Sub, I do want to empathize the "tool" apsect of this drug. For someone like myself, who feels no "highs" or negative physical side-effects from Sub, I have been given the chance to re-experience what was [I]once[/I] my life...before opiates blurred and destroyed it. And this experience--these past memories--are more intoxicating than any drug could ever be.

Having had some months to remember how a joyful life was possible....I have now felt the strength to start the long slow taper (and it should be VERY slow to minimize withdrawal--because while Subutex masks any "highs"--it is still a synthetic opoid with its own strong receptors). But I start this taper, now, with all the commitment and hopeful anticipation that was never there when I tried to taper off directly from oxys, Vicodin, etc.

For those like myself, with a history of deep clinical depressions (the kind where life just comes to a full stop, as ones' brain cehmistry changes), quick withdrawal from opiates can be like a spring opening the door to that black monster. And that monster is just what was released when I tried to taper and do my own opiate withdrawal. That blackness came rushing in, setting off a long clinical episode.

I am finding that by doing this very, very slow withdrawal from the Sub, that this is not happening. (That's a miracle in itself!!!) :) And the opiate cravings are so "thinned out" now--more like distant trace memories--and like thoughts of "why did I ever TAKE that stuff!" (Believe me...though...I know how addiction will be a battle I struggle with all my life--just as depression has.) But--just as my antidepressants have become my tool to ward off the worst attacks--this Subutex has been my tool to remind me of the joys of an addiction-free life.

And...just like I would not deny insulin to my younger sister who is diabetic, and I would not deny antidepressants for myself, when they have lifted up my life so much....neither would I want to discourage anyone, who might find the Sub the only tool they'd ever been offererd to jump-start their recovery.

It's up to all of us to read all the pros and the cons of this drug--like every other drug we put into our body. But I would just ask, Pillz, that you accept that, for many of us, recovery takes alternative means. And I do not think we want to be "pitied" for emotional dishonesty, when we choose these tools to get our lives back. Sometimes we are all TOO honest in confronting the reality of the turn our lives have taken.

Anyway, welcome to the Board. :) If you'd like to check more views on the topic of Sub, you can go to the archives here and find all sorts of thinking on this subject.

Lynn :wave:

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