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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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Becky -

I'm reading this...and I can just feel your anguish. But, I want you to know that everyone on this board has either been there--or been very close. Being smart, successful, raised in a loving home, etc. just doesn't count with addiction. It is waiting in the wings for all of us who have wished to feel less stress.....more joy in escape from hopelessness.....and have, for whatever reasons, crossed paths with opiates.

It start with such innocence..then overtakes us, as we realize that somewhere along the way, we've lost all control over it. I, too, was like "I can't believe what's happened." And, I was very, very lucky in two incidents: once, when the pharmacist noticed I'd changed the "refill" section....but just handed the Rx back to me. And the other...when my doctor did not notice that a blank Rx had stuck to the back of the actual Rx for 30 Vic. ES he had written--so you can imagine what I did when I ran out.... :-( And all along...I kept thinking "this isn't ME." But it WAS ADDICTED. So--please, please do not judge yourself so harshly....your addiction has caused you to lose control....and, if this arrest is the first step towards your finding help, it may have a positive outcome.

As soon as I could, I would definitely talk with a lawyer who knows drug rules and regulations and can guide you on how best to proceed. Others on the board here may have more knowledge of state laws (each state is different, I believe.) I am sure that some sort of rehab, NA, etc. will be part of the outcome.

Your suffering from have a terminally ill child must just be overwhelming. And, right or wrong.....I can so understand that the drugs gave you some respite for awhile. Unfortunately, they start to feed off you more and more...until they do nothing but demand you take enough to ward off withdrawals. And the sadness you are coping with needs REAL support from others...whether it's family, friends or outside psychological help.

I know that you probably know all the above.....but such a severe wake-up call, even if ultimately a life-saving one, may leave you feeling so wildly depressed, anxious, guilty, etc. And I just want you to know that you will find people here who understand, care about you...and want to help support you through this.

Re. the withdrawal--can you get your doctor to prescribe enough Lortab to do a supervised taper with her/him? If not, there are things you can do to lessen the effects. (I'll let others who have more knowledge give you more details), but I know that three prescribed drugs can help: Clonodine (for blood pressure), Klonipin (a benzo-type drug--used sparingly--to stop the panic) and Ambien (to aid sleep.) Of course, if you're in the medical field, you must know all this, but just thought I'd mention them.

NON-prescribed help can be Immodium, for crampy stomach, several vitamins (I can't remember which? "L-something"? B6?), lots and lots of fluids, many hot baths....and exercise (something I was NOT able to manage!!!) You need time off to deal with this, depending on how severe the symptoms are. But you will hear from many people on this Board how they made it through--and how their lives are so much happier now.

I can just imagine all the jumbled, agonizing thoughts going through your head right now. And all this on top of caring for your sick child. But--please--don't let guilt be one of them. You have a sickness--addiction--and need help--not punishment.
The most important thing you can do for yourself right now is to try to get the best possible help: legally, physically--and emotionally. We'll all be here for you.

And keep writing to us--we care. Lynn :-)

PS I am on a drug called Subutex, which stopped my oxycontin addiction. There are many courses of help you can seek.

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