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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Okay everyone...I finally have come to terms with the fact that I have a problem. For those who don't know....I have a herniated disc at L3-L4 and it has a 4 ml tear that is leaking fluid onto my spinal cord. I have severe siatica down my left leg and I've been on every type of treatment known to man! I've had injections...PT...Chiropractic I'm looking at my surgical options. I've completed all of my diagnostic tests except for a discogram which will be done in a couple of weeks. After that I'll know more about what I'll need to do. I am in Chronic Pain all day every day and have to work...I'm the only income and I'm a single its not an issue if I want to...I have to! Well I've been going to Pain Management and I've been on Hydrocodone 10/325 and Tramadol for over 9 months now. I take them like they are freaking candy becasue of my pain...but also for the numbs me and makes me deal with my sucky reality...if you know where I'm coming from! :rolleyes:
Well it's finally gotten out of control....I'm taking almost 20 a day and the other day my boyfriend went with me to my ortho doc to get my results of all of my testing. The doc wrote me a new script for 90 pills to get me through the next couple of weeks until I get with a new PM doc. Well he went with me to get my script filled and so that was Tuesday....he then asked for some pills last night cause he has back issues every once in a while himself. When he went into my purse..he saw how much of the pills were left....only 40 ....he totally lost it. He knows that I'm not doing it by choice...or for the simple pleasure of getting a pain is just so intolerable...I can't deal without shoving pills down me every 3-4 hours....I wouldn't be able to sit here and work like I do without them. Then its hell when I run out early and I go through withdrawls and have to substitute other medications to get me through. I just lost it last night and was crying histaricly. i want my life back so badly...I'm tired of having to be a freaking slave to these pills. They are messing with my attitude and my outlook on life.....but I have to have them for the time being. I just don't know what to seems so hopeless. I just got a call from the doctors office that I'm getting my discogram done at ...its supposed to be next Monday May 9th but I'll have to pay a $400 deductible and I don't have that kind of money sitting around...this whole back thing is bleeding me dry as it is....I'm just so upset right now. Any hope from anyone out there would be very much appreciated. I'm running out of options for myself...I'm usually always the one with the strength to forge on....lifting others up....but now I need the pep talk and the "everything is gonna be okay" speech. Life just really sucks right now. My boyfriend said that he is calling my doctor today and having him do something for me....he said that its his responsibility to help me with this.

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