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Hey Lynn, I didn't get your post but I'll see if I can find it. Yes, I do have a doctor that knows what I'm doing. He's not great with it but he knows that I've made up my mind and this is the only way that I, personally can do this. Now, let me say that I feel like I probably will suffer withdrawals --- and I say that only because I felt some this a.m.... but I didn't yesterday so I've prob been on these a day too long. But lortab withdrawals are absolutely a walk in the park compared to Sub, Methadone or any other long acting drug.

It's odd too, thinking back about how bad I thought they were and how I just couldn't go through those three - five days of feeling like that. Little did I know... but, I still say it wasn't the withdrawals that made me go toward Sub, it was the fact that I couldn't stay clean... I couldn't escape the extreme and overwhelming desire for that high. But now, I feel that no matter what I do, I can't really get a high, and I'm scared that if I take too many lortabs, that there will definitely be no escaping withdrawals... or maybe it will make them worse if I take a whole bunch. I'm just not really searching for the high... Thank God for that. But I hear your concerns and I know that this isn't the best way to do this but it's all I can do. And I still have a few methadone to take which is what I used to do to handle lortab withdrawals... I'd take one or two a day for about five days. After that - I'd normally be o.k.

I know the worst thing about this is the emotional aspect that I'll be dealing with once there is nothing in my system. I know myself and I'll probably create physical withdrawals in my mind.... whether they are there or not... My receptors are going to be freaking out without anything hitting them. Or maybe the adderal with help...??? I know that I still can't understand how people can get addicted to adderal. I thought that maybe the Sub was blocking the 'good affects' but now I know it wasn't. It just doesn't make me feel really good... just helps with my focusing, but still hasn't fixed my ADD, by any means. I am really struggling with that. When I'm off of everything, I'm going to go to every other day with the Adderal to see if it's really, really helping me.

I've GOT to go. This is the THIRD time I've tried to write this since last night... I'm was TIRED. But anyway, I'll write more later but please tell me how you are doing... I'm VERY happy that Sub is working so well. I still swear by it. Wish me luck. I've got only just a few more days of meds to help me and then I'm all on my own. But please do tell me about you. And i"ll try to find the post.

Talk to you soon and let's don't go so long. It's my fault, I know... And thanks to everyone else for your support. I VERY much appreciate it. I wish someone would tell Michelle to come here and talk. She did what I'm doing - to a certain degree and I wish I could discuss with her her experiences again. I don't even know how she's doing. I definitely miss my old friends... And again, thanks to everyone that has been so supportive.

Sis, I'm praying for you, girl. I'm glad you are taking vacation. Well, I've got lots to tell after going through half of this so we need to 'write' later too.

Take care to everyone ---- I miss you guys!

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