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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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Yes - the replies are right on. I was addicted to Hydro (whichever was cheapest on the internet) and started when someone gave me a couple for a headache. I should know I am an addictive personality, but of course, I used up those one a day and started ordering from the internet dealer. I could not wait for that FedEx man - I never had any doc prescribe for me - so I would shell out So much money for COD's that we do NOT have. To make a long story short, soon I was taking 8-10 a day of vikes and mixing with soma and benadryl or tylenol...scary.

I have 3 young children and am a SAHM - and summer is NOT easy anyway with them all here all day - they are 10, 8 and 2. Whew. Part of the reason I started - it was the perfect escape. But, like so many people have attested - it doesn't stay that way. Soon you just need more and more to just feel "normal". And I thought I was such a better mom and wife and person with them. Maybe I was - but I would rather be a REAL mom to them...not a chemically induced robot mom.

So, I have been clean now for 2 weeks. The WD's are really different with every single person. Honestly. I have read some posts I relate to exactly and some were beyond anything I went thru. I only took the pill for a few months - but the withdrawals were pretty bad - the first couple days. I found the first couple days were the "physical" DT's - sweats, chills, insomnia, restless leg and worst was the physical aching. But you know what - when I noticed how horrible my body was feeling, it made me even more determined to stop. If it could make me feel THIS bad - imagine what it is doing to your body taking them? So, after the first couple days, for me, was the emotional part. I am depressed, anyway. I had it treated about 10 yrs ago at the pleading of my mom (I didn't think I had a problem) and a wonderful doctor at UCLA put me on zoloft. After all this time it stopped working - partly why I started zoloft. Sooooo - the last couple weeks have been pretty bad with the depression, agitation and moodiness. sort of like PMS from hell. My poor kids - everything they did annoyed me. I honestly to God told my hubbie the other night he was breathing too loud and it was annoying me.

So, there is a good ending. You can do it - the same reason as I did - my children. But, you know what? I don't agree with some that this is your main reason. The main reason is YOU. You are worth it. You are better than this. And there is a much better life that God has waiting for you. It's not easy or fun - life is hard. But, you can do it.

I have no family that lives close to me. I only really talk to my mom - I am estranged from my other family, pretty much. But - my mom has helped. I have also had some support from my husband - but, he is not an addicted or depressed person, so he really cannot understand a lot of what I was going thru. Also, talking to a good friend and these boards have really been a life saver!

Just know this. You can do it. It will NOT be easy - but just know when you start feeling depressed or agitated - it is the withdrawals - it is NOT you. This is not your new normal. I was so afraid I would feel like that forever.

But - you must get help for the depression. Xanax is not the long term answer. And I really don't go for taking drugs to get off drugs. And I can't wean myself either - that's like telling an alcoholic to have just one or two drinks a day. Won't happen. I never had good insurance, either. And we struggle with money (who doesn't). I think the AA is good - if you can go. I could never find anyone to watch my kids - my husband used to travel all the time. I think you should check out the web site the other person posted - looks great. Also, talk to your doc about the insurance - a lot of them are VERY understanding and will have samples of anti-depressants for you to try. You can also usually work out payment plans with them. I recently have realized in my life that it is amazing what you can get if you just ASK.

Here is my e-mail. I think you can use a friend and I would be more than happy to do this with you. Please - take it one day at a time and realize - I know it's cliche but SO true...what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

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