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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Monkey - I'm am on 6 mg of Subutex a day since the beginning of the year. And I so agree with Chevelle's beautiful message about how it's changed his life. I, too, consider it part of my recovery program.....and there is no way I am going to feel "guilty" for using this tool to get my life back. All I have to do is to remember last year at this time.....the horrible daily realization that my world had dwindled down to sitting and counting the hours between pills. All those "high energy" projects I'd originally equated to the oxys just came to a grinding halt. Instead of enjoying my sketching, my writing, my ski trips, etc, etc......I was paralyzed into total lethary.....wanting only to sit in my bedroom, desperately trying over and over, with pill after pill, to "restore" that old "goodness" I had first associated with those killer drugs.

Starting the Subutex was such an incredible relief. Although the first few weeks, I felt almost "stunned"--my head was silent for the first time in years, and for awhile I felt absolutely if I had no emotions left in me. I was just so drained. But, then.....after several weeks.....I could actually watch myself slowly coming back to life. Feeling "real" feelings.......ecstatic at how much joy I got just from walking my dog in the park! It was like a black and white television suddenly converting to color--everything---nature, walking, talking to friends, working at my job, watching the sun come up--all these things now came in "glorious technicolor"-- both physically and mentally!! :-)

My doctor is having me stay on the Sub for the time being, since it has helped me so dramatically--kept me from any cravings---and reduced my bouts of depression. So--as you can imagine-my experience with Sub has been more a blessing than anything else! :-) I am just so grateful to be back in my own life again!!!

Hope everything works out for you Monkey. And--Chevelle--thanks for sharing such a very special story!

Lynn :-)

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