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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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Hey everyone especially xray -

It's time to try to sleep here. I had a good day today, except for hubby just being a general ***. But you know, I'm not going to deal with it out of a pill bottle, I'm just not! My personality has always been, dare me - why don't you? I'll do it just to spite you. So his ***-iness just drove me to an NA meeting and out to dinner with my best friend and her husband. I ate like a complete hog, and did it ever feel good. I hope I gain to 200 lbs :)

Lo, many years ago, I went to the doctor because I was depressed. I started antidepressants at about 24 or so. Then I got anxious, and I started benzos, first xanax and then klonopin instead. Then I had migraines and I got lortab. JACKPOT. The key turned over in my head and I was ON. Early in, I could get enough legitamately from the doctor, but then I started buying from "friends", just like you. These "friends" sure could find a lot of drugs. In the last two years, I developed a habit in excess of 10 per day. I would trade my benzos - I'd do whatever I had to in order to get them.

I have realized that I sought coping skills in a pill bottle for a lot of years, so when the Lortab came around, the pump was primed. In order to quit, I stopped taking all medication, and am completely substance free. I guess I whtdrew from benzos and lortab at the same time. I won't even open a pill bottle to take a vitamin anymore. NO MORE PILL BOTTLES. I am done with it. I know I have a hard road ahead, but I am going to deal with things honestly from now on, no matter what it takes.

Tonight, at NA, there was a guy, maybe 24 or so that had been using since his adolescence. He was in withdrawal, day 3. I felt so bad for him. I just hugged him and told him I could be his mom, so if he wanted to, he could pretend I was. I begged him to be strong and to call someone before he took anything else. I reiterated to him that if he took something withdrawal would start all over, and about that time, he ran to the bathroom. He was shaky, and cold, and so sick. You know, that was us just a few days ago.

Then I met my very best friend and her husband and we went to dinner. I ate not one but two entrees. I am really hungry these days. Life is looking up (of course, my husand my not agree).

Take care and keep in touch,

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