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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Hi JKhopeful!

I am happy to share my story. I had used painkillers in college and loved them but did not really have much access and I guess I wasn't yet addicted enough to dr shop, get hurt on purpose etc. The problem took hold about 2 and 1/2 years ago, and 15 years past college, when I discovered the evils of internet pharmacies. Things got pretty quickly out of hand. My story like so many others here...I thought they made feel great and do things better. My tolerance went up quick and pretty soon I was doing 20-25 750's maybe more on heavy days, I didn't count I think out of guilt or denial. I am not sure which.

The internet provided me with a sometimes endless source. I made myself sick a couple of times, went cold turkey several times and others tappered off, all to return again to the same sick cycle. I did manage to begin putting longer clean times together, up to 2 months at a time. I think that I made myself so sick that I scared myself and told my husband and psychiatrist out of fear. I have seen someone on and off for years for anxiety (again typical for a lot of us pillheads) so I had someone I trusted already. That is how I started to get help. This was back in March 2005.

It has not been easy but I finally got so sick of feeling sick. I guess it did not take me long to hit bottom because of my tolerance issue and the highly addictive nature of opiates. I had quit smoking 9 years ago and there is no comparision, opiates are much harder. Haven't smoked a cigarette once. I had 2 relapses early on but using was never how I remembered or idealized it in my head. I have read books, gone to meetings and talked to friends, just told two friends. I am big on info is power.

Everyone is different and I believe we each have to find our own way. I thought about the sub route, just had gotten through the worst of withdrawls before I ever got the nerve up to call anyone. For some people that seems like a lifesaver. I think starting with your doctor would be good. I was surprised at both my psychiatrist's and GP's responses. I think that pill addiction is so common, they both said they had seen a ton of it. I got my liver enzymes checked and they were high. Just goes to show that it does not take long to do damage. They have gone back down thank god. I think knowing I had really hurt myself also helped quit.

Well hope I have answered your happy to share whatever is helpful. I don't post a lot but read everything. Good luck.


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