It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Addiction & Recovery Board Index


Hi guys!
Im new here and have been reading the board for about a day and a half.
This is my story!
Since I was 15, Im 33 now I have had Cluster headaches these are sucicidal type of headaches and are worse than migraines. Alot of people kill themselves from the severe pain!
I have tried every medicine for headaches out there and nothing works.
Finally I had a cluster that was so bad My pupils seperated into two.

I was freaking out, my husband was rushing me to the hospital and while I was there I had another massive one and I screamed for jesus and scared everyone in the hospital. Finally the doc comes in and says this ia a prescription for a bottle of 30...5mg percocets now go home.
The first time I took one which was about 3 years ago I was in heaven "oh hell yeah it felt good and when the headaches came it took the edge off barley so I didnt kill myself.
Eventually from there I kept somehow getting percocets from different doctors using the "I have headaches excuse when I wasnt having them just to keep the good times going. Finally 9 months ago I met a friend that said he knew a DR. FEELGOOD (love motley crue, they rock!)
I went there and said doctor while I was fake crying these 5mg arent working he said no problem I'll take care of you. Boy did he ever!
When i got in my car I almost died while I stared at the script for 100 30mg roxicodones a script for 100 2mg xanax a bottle of 100 somas and some other crap!

I was in shock and very excited at the same time!!
So to make a long story short I had my husband going to him getting all the same things had my mom going for me and getting them and they would all give them to me and I guess trying to help me cause there were a few times when I was W/Ding and they didnt like the site.
Even though they wanted me off they didnt know what else to do for awhile but keep me in stock.
So for like one whole year I was on like 300 to 500 a day.
Almost overdosed a few times and died.
Finally the stupid doctor just kicked me off sent me a letter one day and said sorry I cant see you anymore with no reason.
Oh god I was in throuble.
I ended up just buying **** off the street and going to hospitals faking pain.
I have been running and running and trying to get more of a high or keep the sickness off for months now.
"IM SO TIRED OF RUNNING!"
Ive cried so many times! I have been so scared of the w/d symptoms I have experienced but, Ive always been rescued by something by at least day 2 and would be back on!! well not this time.

Me and my family just moved 3weeks ago from tampa to north carolina and I coulda of kept lying and going to doctors to keep getting more. "sitting in er's for 7 hours just to get 10 5mg percocets!
But I didnt 4 days ago was my last dose and by then I was down too only 60mg a day.
I didnt hink I was going to make it I didnt sleep for 4 days straight 0 minutes of sleep.
Last night i was like a zombie I was shaking so bad and started to hear stuff.
Legs hurting so bad that i cant quit moving so it's bad enough that im not sleeping for 4 nights but, now im exercising by rocking and rolling back n forth in bed shaking!
THE POINT OF THIS STORY IS I AM REALLLLLLLLLLLLY PROUD OF MYSELF!
i WENT TO A DR. JUST THIS FRIDAY AND MY INTENTIONS WERE TO LET IT ALL OUT AND TELL HIM MY SECRET BUT I COULDNT! HE WAS NOT GIVING ME ANYTHING FOR HEADACHES I COULD TELL HE WAS NOTICING THAT I WAS TWITCHING AND COULDNT QUIT MOVING MY HANDS!
So after that I said Screw this Im gonna bunker down and do it!
I finally passed out last night after taking a 2mg xanax and half a seruquel100!
This morning I feel a tiny bit better!
Im still shaking inside and twitching and my legs still hurt but, i was fortunate to have some ultram on hand for the leg pain! ULTRAM REALLY HELPS FOR LEG PAIN! OR RESTLESS LEGS! Now im worried about getting addicted to ultram! but I am gonna taper off. I feel so defiant. My mother begged me to go to the ER or somewhere and my husband but, hell if I will!
IM GONNA WIN!
My hands are shaking as I write this!
I ALMOST FEEL LIKE A REBEL THATS DEFYING THE LAW. IM AN OUTLAW IM NOT GOING TO THE DR. I DONT WANT ANYMORE OF THIS IN MY LIFE.IM STILL REAL WEAK AND SHAKEY AND MOVING REAL SLOW BUT THIS IS DAY 5 AND IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF!
Sorry this is so long but I had to get this off my chest!
I just cant imagine going to a doctor and admitting all this looking as bad as I do like a pale faced drug addict shaking for her next dose. Which I am a drug addict and I realize that but, I just cant go tell anyone else!.
Id rather sit here and die and turn onto a walking shaking zombie!
This is for all ya'll going through the same thing!
YOU CAN DO IT!
:angel:
Please beleive in yourselves!
Every once in awhile I check my vital signs to see if im still alive if I am then Im winning!
I went 4 nights without sleep and now that i had about 6 hours I'll probablly go another 3 days without sleep but, Im gonna win and Im so damn proud of myself I just had to share this with you all!
I STILL FEEL REAL BAD!
You can all quit and do it! I promise guys hang in there if you are cold turkeying it!
YOU CAN DO IT!
IF I CAN YOU CAN!
Drink lots of water I mean at least 10 to 12 full large glasses of water a day take multi vitamin a day.
If you can get your dr. to give you some ultram it takes the restless legs away!
I dont know you guys but I feel like i do from all the reading!
YOU CAN DO IT! Keep going!
Make sure you drink your water though or you will get dehydrated!
I love you all!
Thank you for letting me vent and share!
If anyone needs support Im there for you. Like i said im still in the middle of this, But hell if Im gonna be beat!
:angel:
Please beleive in yourselves!
Luv ya guys,
Sydney
One day i will be like this again I cant wait til that day :bouncing: !





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:49 AM.





2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!