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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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Hi all,

It has been quite some time since I posted last, some of you may or may not remember me...I detoxed off oxys in June..and I attribute at least part of my success to this board. I see alot of new and old names here....but I felt compelled to share my story.

My last pill date was June 21, 2005....the wd symptoms were all but gone by a month and a half or so. I really thought I was doing pretty well...although I still fought the lack of energy all along.. I knew that my mind was trying to substitute that "well feeling" with whatever it thought it could get....mostly craved alcohol since it is the easiest to obtain. I would drink a beer here and there, nothing major. Durinig my addiction, I all but ruined every aspect of my life, I lost my job, and almost ruined my marriage. My husband was definitely at his end, and I knew it was bothereing me, but up 'til 2 weeks ago, I didn't realize how much. So, one day, I get this bright idea to go get a bottle of Crown Royal, and proceeded to drink most if it....All the while on the phone with my brother and sister in law...(who by the way works in chemical dependecy....I guess I just lost it that day...I have never blacked out from alcohol...but that day is an absolute blurr to me... The only thing I really remember is waking up, to what seemed like 100 blue uniforms in my living brother had called 911 because I was threateneing to kill or hurt myself....I was taken to emergency in an ambulance for attempted suicide, and diagonsed with clinical depression.
I think I knew all along that I wasn't bouncing back like I should, but I just kept plugging along, afterall, I was clean...shouldn't that be enough to be happy about? Obviously not....

So, my hope here is this.. If after you detox, and you feel "depressed"(which by the way feels ALOT like withdrawl-minus some of the physical symptoms) Please Please see a doctor about putting you on anti depressants, or go see a counselor...I just know for me, I never saw it coming, and I absoultely could have hurt myself that day, maybe not intentionally, as I have never really had conscious thougths of suicide, but as intoxicated as I was that day, I have no doubt that something really awful could have happened. So from where I sit, the fact that I was on the phone with a loved one, absoultely saved my life that day.

I have been put on prozac, and am told it could take up to a month before I feel the benefits(if ever)....and will begin counseling soon. I am still horribly depressed, but just get through each moment as it comes(not unlike the days of wd).....but at least now I have the help and support that I have needed all along, it just makes me so sad and angry that it took hitting such a low before someone finally heard my cries for help! And btw,,,,hubby has done a complete 180...and is more loving and supportive than ever....which has been my rock through this drama. If you feel as if you need help, and a dr turns you away, keep trying....don't let what has happened to me happen to you.

If this inlightens even one person, then this post has served its purpose.

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