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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Addiction & Recovery Board Index


fiona,
I can almost feel the pain when I read what you wrote. I don't know how to tell you to fix this. The only thing I can say to you right now is that even though you've tried and tried...keep trying...keep working at it. Maybe with all the different ways you've tried to quit it might be time to try a Suboxone program? If you read some of the other posts on here you will see success stories from people who thought it was hopeless and they beat it with the help of the right doctor and suboxone.
I personally recently quit CT from a hydro habit. Hydro is not as strong as what you are doing but it is an opiate so I think there are some similarites in WD symptoms. I think it will be easier if you jump off at the lowest dose possible. But when you decide to stop...put an end to your sources. If you have the option to go back it is too easy to give in when the going gets a little tough. The physical part is worst for the first 3-4 days, or it was true for me. It's the emotional crap that comes later, the cravings and anxiety that is the hardest and can last much longer.
Is there anyone in your life who can support you? Anyone you can talk to? It helps to get rid of the secret and have some support. Have you tried NA meetings? I don't mean showin up sitting next to the door and bolting once the meeting is over...I mean getting involved. Talking, sharing...reaching out to other people who have been where you are and can help you stay clean? I have met people in the program who would sit and literally hold your hand if that's what it took to help you stay clean another day.
I don't know what the answer is for you...I just know there must be one. You just have to find the right combination for you and you have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired. You have to be ready and willing to change. You have to work as hard at being clean as you do at using. Remember you didn't get this sick in a few days...you won't get well in a few days. Part of the addict mentality is the "instant gratification" problem. We want it and we want it NOW. Recovery isn't that way and it's a challenge to wait for the miracle to happen. But it does happen. You just have to give it time and trust and you have to let someone help you....it's too hard to do alone.





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