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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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Oh, Stacy, my sweet dear Stacy :angel: You are such an open book and that is what I absolutely adore about you. I can't tell you how proud I am of you to open yourself up enough to seek out the support that you need at this time. And like you, I really encourage other posters who have the experience with addiction to come here and take you under their wings and help guide you.

So for now I will sit with you and hold your hand and help you as best I can without having experienced addiction or use of experimental drugs in my youth. Remember....I am a goody2shuz and pretty much refrianed from that sort of activity. ;) I don't know how....I mean in highschool I was constantly around friends that used weed and partied as well as in college....but somehow never used it. That is until recently. :p Not too proud of myself on that one...but Tom smokes pot socially.....I didn't discover this until we were married a few years. My intuition kicked in, he denied it until he could no longer and I learned to accept this habit of his so long as he never did it so that the girls would discover it. We have close friends we get together with who also smoke weed.....they knew it was NEVER to be done at Goody's was a given. And it never did....only at other houses or outings where my kids were not around. And so I compromised knowing that I have bad habits and so long as Tom's use of it did not interfere with his being a good husband and father then I could be okay with it. Took me a while to get there and I never encouraged him to use but did not condemn him after using. And so.....having gone through my meanager years, and discovering that Kait had experimented there was an occasion this summer, a friend's 40th birthday, in which I threw all caution to the wind and gave it a try. It was a monumental moment....our close cirle of friends had gone through 40th birthday's and here we were with the baby of the bunch!!! She loves weed and we all know it. Her gift was a coach bag stashed with a dime bag....probably more!!! And we had rented a van to take us to the city. I announced in transit, when they prepared to smoke, that as a special gift to my friend I would try for my first time. My friends laughed and knowing my history of never toking, well they were happy to have a virgin aboard!! :D My motivation not only came from wanting to celebrate a decade of birthdays with my dearest friends, but also to have a better understanding and first hand experience to talk to my girls about weed. For that reason I have no regrets....I had a great night as did my friends, however, I did have some regret that I had cracked and could no longer say without lying that I had never tried weed!!! No biggie, but still it bothered me, enough to be able to say no to future offerings. I needed to share that with you because you are being so open isn't a moment I am very proud of but something that I have learned to accept in myself.

Now in terms of some of your concerns.....I believe in a physical dependence you would experience physical symptoms of shortness of breath, increased heart rate, shakiness, and the such until you are able to have the med. A mental dependence could be seen more in terms of behavioral changes such as increased anxiety, agitation, anger, mood swings, and the such. You will feel these things until you get more of the med into your system. Does this make things a little bit clearer??

[QUOTE=Stacykgb]The main thing I am wondering about now is how to talk to my doctor about what I have done..... Any advice as to what I should say? I feel a lot of pressure to contact him soon and fill him in on what I've decided and am now doing...[/QUOTE] Stacy, any good physcian would help you through need to be completely honest with your doctor & tell him exactly how you feel. Share with him what you have shared with me the meds keep you fogged and debilitated in terms of your quality of life almost to the degree that the pain does and that you are riding a double edged sword in life. Tell him how important it is for you to read and to further your education and how he can help you to control the pain enough to still be able to do the things that you are passionate about. I often wonder if there is some type of nerve block or injection they can give you to help with the pain that will leave you free of the affects that pain meds give us. I am sure that you have researched this as have your doctors who I know you have the utmost of confidence in. Perhaps you can try another med that won't have as strong an affect on you. The percocet alone without my muscle relaxant I find is not as debilitating....perhaps you & your physician can come up with another plan to ease you into a more "normal" way of living that doesn't have you feeling as if the treatment is as bad or perhaps worse than the pain. I am sure that was a BIG contributing factor in your need to flush the meds. You were tired of their affect upon your life and the unhappiness it brings holding you back from the things that you love to do. Trust your doctor, Stacy, and free yourself of your worries or any pressure you may be feeling. Your doctor will also direct you to a good support fact I would also share with him your sexual pleasure seeking. It may be beneficial to go to a support group for people who are addicted to sex as well. I know that for you to question your lifestyle to this degree must definitely cause you great concern to see if there are any underlying issues to your seeking pleasure through potentially harmful avenues. I think that you are trying to find a healthy balance between the meds, pain, and sexual lifestyle that you lead so that you can be happy. I have watched you, Stacy, and you are not happy. And you know what....being off the meds certainly is allowing you to see a heck of alot more clearer that you need to do something, perhaps make some changes in your lifestyle realizing that although there are certain things you may find pleasurable they are not necessarily the things that will make you happy. And having said that.....

[QUOTE=Stacykgb]I am feeling more motivated and less shy than I have in some time and it very well might be helpful to give a good pain rehab program a chance. I would LOVE to never take another opiate and be completely clear-headedóbut can it really be this easy? Itís awesome to have my brain running at full speed again instead of maybe 75%--Iíve read 15 books this week after doing little more than watching TV for the weeks leading up to THE BIG FLUSH [/QUOTE] Stacy, I absolutley love your honesty with yourself & with others. :bouncing: I know it is not easy for you to come here and I know that you have a wonderful mom who is helpng you through this. As any mom she wants to see you happy :angel: That is our main goal for our children no matter what age they may be.

You will be happy when you can relate to others in real life. Not having friends really does bother you because you ARE so friend worthy. Going to the support group will allow you to find a friend you can relate to. Sometimes when we go seek out support we are afraid that others will see us as weak....but it takes such strength to go out and do so. Please do not allow fear to stand in your way. Being with people you can relate to puts you in a much better position of finding a friend. A support group may be the best thing for two reasons. It will not only allow you a way to face your fears but also allow you to be amongst people you may be able to relate to.

[QUOTE=Stacykgb] I really want to be able to move forward with more clarity, energy, and certainty, and I know that avoiding Oxycontin will help facilitate that. The question isówill the pain rehab program? But maybe thatís not even the question so much as whether or not I have the strength to step out of my comfort zone and keep an optimistic, open attitude toward something Iím inclined to dread and avoid[/QUOTE] Exactly, Stacy!!! You need to find and discover the strength you have to face the part of your life that holds you back.....the part that makes you feel unhappy. Now that things are clearer you will be able to do so. Realistically you are going to need to control your pain....there are was in which you can and will in a way that will maintain the balance in your life. The pain reahab if anything will help you find that in conjunction with your doctors.

[QUOTE=Stacykgb].......I knew that neither of us are fond of having to rely on pain medication though that's not usually the kind of topic that comes up on the relationship board. How are you doing with your pain by the way? I hope it is not troubling you too much and that you're not having to take more medication than you'd like.[/QUOTE] As for me, I am only on an antiinflammatory at the present time, however, I have had to use the percocet at nighttime for sleep due to the pain I experience that interferes with sleep. I am beginning to think that the degeneration is spreading because I am feeling more discomfort in my midback that I haven't felt previously. Unfortunately there is little that can be done to prevent the degenerative process.....there are ways to delay it, which I have been quite successful with, but unfortunately not prevent it from eventually occurring. I am fortunate to not have to be on the pain med consistently but yet know it is there in my time of need. :D The thing is will be able to, In time, learn how to harmonize the treatment with the pain in order to lead a fulfilling & happy life. I am here to help in any capacity to assist you in finding that balance....and am proud to be able to do so.

(((HUGS)))) ~ Goody :angel:

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