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I posted here before about my DH's drinking, and you guys were such a big help. But alas, what I knew was comming, finally came.

He hasn't been drinking much at all since the last blowout. I told him that was it, I couldn't take it anymore. He hasn't had anymore the a glass of wine here and there (so I thought) and I really could care less about that.

Lastnight I had come home to garbage stewn all over the floor, our 2 kittens had gotten into the garbage while I was out. While I was picking it up I found and empty pint of vodka wrapped in a plastic bag (torn because of the cats playing with it). I don't even know what to think. Should I even bother to talk to him about it? I've left it on the counter for him to see when he comes home from work today. I know I should just pack up myself and my DD and go, because that's what I said I'd do. But things have been going so well lately. I don't want to live with this forever. I know he will never get help.

I don't know whether to be angry or sad, scream or cry. I'm just sick to my stomach.
Sounds like you know what to do, but you're seeming to be setting yourself up to listen to his lies/excuses/bs etc etc etc. Have you sort help for yourself from Alanon? Sometimes the partner of an Alcohol is as sick (in a co-dependant type of way) as the drug and can't face life without the drama ,it's a real problem for some.

I wish you the best, whatever you feel your story is; remember you can't change him, especailly if he isn't interested in help.....
Oh I feel your pain and confusion... I lived with my mother for years who is an alcoholic. She is the most wonderful woman in the world and my best friend when she is not drunk. When she is drunk she is mean, spiteful, angry, etc...etc... And she is STILL an alcoholic even though I have been talking to her about the problems her drinking causes not only her life but for the rest of the family as well for 20 years now. She has not chosen to quit and we can't force her... if only it was that easy! I wish I knew what was the right advice to give you. I enabled my mother for years because when she was sober I was just so happy to have that time with her that I hated to bring up the drinking, to leave, etc... Finally after moving out and going over there for several holidays that were complete disasters because she was drunk I had to make the decision to not do that to myself anymore. Now, if I go there and she is drunk, I leave, whether it is a holiday or not. And that upsets her. Not enough for her to quit.... at least not yet. I know it is harder for you because you would have to leave your home. But living like this breaks you down as well as him. I am here to talk if you need it. I wish I could give more answers...
Worried Mommy,

First let me say that i am sorry for the pain, sadness, frustration and all that you must be feeling right now.

Can you give us some of the past history of his drinking and the turmoil that it has caused? The extra info would be helpful.

I am sure that packing up and leaving is the last thing you want to do right now. Only you know, in your heart, what is the right thing to do.
Seeing how things have been going so well between the two of you, as well as there not haveing been any signs that he has been drinking again, maybe finding that bottle was a blessing.

Maybe he hasnt been drinking excessively, and maybe this is the start of him drinking again. If so, maybe by you finding the bottle could possibly nip the problem in the bud.

I would leave the bottle out and when he comes home i would talk to him about it. If you arent happy or reassured with his answers or how your talk goes, then make your decision of what you feel you need to do.

How old are your children? Has there been anyone else at your house that the bottle could have belonged to?

I truely hope things go well for you!
Good Luck,
ValleyGurl
Thank you all for you're replies, it means a lot, really.

I know it's his, because, well it's not mine. I don't drink. We've been together for 5 years and he's always been a drinker, he goes through cycles where it's bad then gets better then stops, rinse and repeat.A few months ago he was drink a lot, he gets nasty when he drinks, talks down to me, starts arguements just for fun and whatnot. One day I went out to the Drs and left him here with our toddler daughter. When I came home I knew he was drinking, it was 11am!! I asked him and he lied, later that day I went to throw something out and found a captain morgan cap in the garbage, so I dug threw it and found an empty quart bottle burried at the bottom. I was so angry that he would do such a thing when he was supposed o be watching our DD. And the fact that he hid it and LIED to me. I told him to get help or I was leaving.

Since then he hasn't been drinking much, just and odd glass of wine, or a beer at the Hockey game. Things have been getting so much better, then I find the vodka bottle. I know when he drank it too...Monday he was nit picking at me and driving me crazy, trying to get under my skin, now I know why.

Our DD is 21 months old, I know noone in this city, my family and friends are halfway across the country. I don't know what I'm going to do.
I had something additional to share with you. This summer my best friend was pregnant with her and her finacee's first child. Her finacee had a drinking problem and tended to be an "angry" drunk. Always yelling at her, punching walls etc... She threatened him several times that she would leave him if he could not get control over his drinking problem because it was bad for her and the unborn baby (she was in the middle of a high risk pregnancy). Well he wouldn't stop. He honestly did not believe that she would actually leave. Well she did. I went on my lunch break one day from work (they only had one car which he had with him at work) and picked her up and took her to my house. He had never been there, had only met me a few times, didn't know the phone number etc... she left him a letter explaining that she was leaving because he had not followed thru on his promise to quit drinking. Well, the first few days he binged and it was horrible. Calling her cell phone at all hours. She cried and cried and cried. BUT, within a week, he started AA. He took alcohol abuse classes. He quit drinking. He realized what he would be losing if he chose to continue with his alcoholism. She stayed with me for a little over a month and then after he was a month clean she moved back home. She has been back there since August and he is still sober and being a great partner and father to their new little boy. So... sometimes, following thru with your intentions to leave could change things for the better for both of you. It might not happen that way for you. But either way, you said yourself, you don't want to live like this anymore. And it isn't fair to you. We are here for you, no matter what you decide! - Tina
Great story and advice Tina. You are a great asset to the board!! Lots of wonderful insight and experience to share. Hang in there girl. We'll be here for you.
Worried Mommy,

As i had said already, only YOU know what is best to do for YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN. I was trying to be a bit open minded and hoping for the best but so it seems it is quite obvious the "bottle in the garbage" is his.

Seeing how he recently has been "behaving" himself maybe this is just the very beginning of another one of his drinking binges, so hopefully it can be nipped in the bud before it gets out of control again.

I also realize that maybe the best thing to do would be to pack up and leave, however do to your circumstances of being in a place where you dont know anyone and being so very far away from all of your family and loved ones I certainly can understand your hesitations of not leaving at this very moment.

If you dont have the means to leave right now, if that is what you would do if you could, maybe in the mean time you could encourage him to seek help and try and work through this, while maybe saving up money or make a plan/arrangements to be able to leave in the future should he refuse to get help and slip into another drinking binge. It's just an idea.

I am sure that you realize when he is drinking and treating you poorly that this is not a healthy environment for you or your CHILDREN to be raised in.
As a mommy myself, i am sure your heart is just breaking.

As you have already been told from the wonderful people here, we are all here for you should you just want to talk as well as need support! You have definately come to the right place!

I sure hope things work out well for you and your children!

ValleyGurl





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